As reported here, intriguing outside linebacker prospect Cameron Wake is attaining larger-than-life-to-the-point-of-mythical-Jedi-badassery attributes that make him seem like the second coming of James Harrison and Lawrence Taylor all rolled into one. It's as if a black Jesus was now playing Sam for us just as he was getting out of his lost years and was on the path to converting all of Nazarea to his kooky, miracle-making religion:
"Since Wake entered the CFL, he has added 20 pounds to his 6-foot-3 frame and now weighs 260. Oh, he also can run the 40-yard dash in about 4.55 seconds and has a 46-inch vertical jump. A YouTube video shows him swiping money off the ceiling - purportedly 11 feet, 8 inches high - in the BC Lions' locker room."
Allow me:
(ahem!)
GWAT DE FACK?!?!
I don't know about you but that sort of shit gives me a tremendo boner. A hulking, physical, play-making, young LB in our defense??? Holy fuckballs!
Legend has it that Wake also has two dicks, once flew a rogue nuclear missile out into space and destroyed it with laser beams shooting out of his eyes, wrote Pet Sounds, Trout Mask Replica AND Nevermind, fed all the poor and hungry children of southern Africa by crushing grains in his furious hands to create warm rice, built the most houses ever for Habitat for Humanity, was there to witness the signing of the Declaration of Independence (and actually wrote it ssshhh), jovially made fire with a bunch of riff-raff cavemen 4,000 years ago and is solely responsible for the race of hot, Brazilian women.
It's science.
