So here we go. Let the free agency juices jizz all over our face! Fuck yea!Wait. What?
Serious kudos to Parcells and his Crew of Men With Large Testicles Made of Brass or Some Other Kind of Hard Alloy Substance for the signing of Vernon Carey, Channing Crowder, Yeremiah Bell and the newest Dolphin, Gibril Wilson this week. Way to set the tone.
Word from Omar is that the Dolphins are interested in Laveranues Coles at the right price. Everyone seems to think Coles will be a Dolphin come Friday. And it would make a lot of sense. Howevah! at this stage of his career, Coles is a No. 2 receiver. And in case you haven't noticed, we got a shitload of those on our roster already. Plus he's like 5-11, which would add to our already midgetized receiving corps. Coles or no Coles, we need to address the receiver spot in the draft with a big 6 foot motherlover with 4.3, 4.4 speed. Just sayin.
As for the weird rumors of Marvin Harrison becoming a Dolphin? Meh. No thanks. I don't see it. Maybe it's a Parcells-induced media leak to speed up the Coles talks. Who knows. I guess we'll see. Anyway, here's how I see it going down Friday, which means it won't go down like this at all:
1. C/OL Jason Brown: Dude is going to command a lot of money. He's already halted talks with the Ravens which means it's pretty much down to us and the free wheelin' Redskins. My gut tells me he'll be a Dolphin. Why? Because fuck Dan Snyder, that's why.
2. DE Chris Canty: 6-7, 299 lbs. and only 26 years old. Dude is solid, and was drafted by Parcells' Cowboys in the 4th round of the 2005 NFL Draft. Canty is a DE, but his ability to shuffle to the NT makes him a perfect fit in the 3-4. We can't overlook the need to get younger at NT. We also can't overlook the amazing powers Marisa Miller's ass has over mankind. But that's neither here nor there.
3. DE Mike Montgomery: 6-5, 273 lbs, 25 years old. The guy is a solid lineman with versatility and could be brought in to compete with Canty and the other linemen. Montgomery can play in a 3-4. He's a bit undersized, but he can do damage when called to duty. Just like my penis!
4. LB Angelo Crowell: 6-1, 246 lbs, 27 years old. He missed 2008 with a knee injury but, as we saw last year, injuries didn't stop the Fins from signing Justin Smiley. Crowell played in a 4-3 defense in Buffalo but he's fast, versatile and could be effective in the 3-4. Crowell could be a sleeper if he can bounce back from his injury. And even a one-legged Crowell could probably push a two-legged Crowder in training camp.
Those are the four guys I'm predicting will be Dolphins Friday. Which, again, means we won't be getting any of them. Ah well. We'll have the free agent open thread post updated througout the day first thing in the morning. Let's do this. Word to your Mother.
