Everybody's getting all orgasmic about how Sunday's Super Bowl was the greatest Super Bowl ever. Were these people watching the same game I was? Or was I locked in a vortex of time and space, living those four hours in an alternate universe like when Captain Kirk ended up in an alternate Enterprise and figured it out because Mr. Spock was suddenly sporting a goatee? Kirk hung out in that alternate universe long enough to bang his hot alternate universe girlfriend, who thought he was actually the Evil Kirk. Man do I heart Kirk. So yea, anyway, the Super Bowl sucked ass. In no way should it ever be described as the greatest Super Bowl ever in any way shape or form. Greatest last four minutes of a Super Bowl? Maybe. All I know is that I was more entertained reading this book than I was watching this sad sack of shit of a game. And don't even get me started on the halftime show. The Boss blew. Tenth Avenue Freezeout my balls, Bruce. Anyway, I think the point I'm trying to make here is that some random dude took a leak on Patriots quarterback Matt Cassel at the Super Bowl:The football star was in line for the bathroom at ESPN's Tampa Bay Super Bowl bash Friday night when a drunken reveler tried to cut in front of him. "Matt told him to wait his turn and headed into the urinals," a spy tells us. Moments later, the fella barged in and proceeded to purposefully pee directly on Cassel's leg. After security tossed the drunk, Cassel headed back out into the crowd, wet pants and all.
Fuck Santonio. This guy is my Super Bowl MVP. Because he pissed on Matt Cassel's leg. And that's pretty much where my standards lie. Piss on a Patriot, you deserve a medal. The end.
