In their never ending mission to defeat their bitter AFC East rival New England Patriots in the quest for having the whitest offensive line in the NFL, the Dolphins are set to sign Raiders center Jake Grove. Last week, if you recall, they signed guard/center Joe Berger (Grove & Berger are pictured above, but I'm not sure which is which so your guess is as good as mine).Here's what we know about your new starting center Jake Grove: He's 29. He's 6'4, 300 lbs., he's coming from a shitty team with a shitty running game, he's missed 19 games in the previous 5 seasons, and he's pretty much the reason why Vonnie Holliday got released. Fantastic! According to the front office, the main objective of signing a center this off-season was to find someone to push Samson Satele back in the rotation. He was deemed not big enough or physical enough. The Dolphins were said to have had their eye on 25 year old stud center Jason Brown to replace Satele. Instead they bring in, well, pretty much the same exact guy that Satele is. Except that he's older and more injury prone. Awesome!
The Sun-Sentinel describes Grove as "rugged." So I guess now the criteria for giving middling players a shitload of money is that they wear flannel shirts, have some sort of mustache or facial hair at all times, smell like a camp fire and know how to gut a fish. Did we just sign the Brawny paper towel guy? Yes, yes we did.
Jake Grove, actual size
[Update]: According to the Magical Elf that is Adam Schefter of the NFL Network, the Dolphins and Grove have agreed on a five-year, $29 million contract including $14.5 million in guaranteed money.
(Just for the record, the Rams signed Jason Brown for five years, $37.5 million, including $20 million in guaranteed money.)
Excuse me while I go shit into a paper towel dispenser.
