God damn this week is slow. So slow, in fact, that I think we might
have gone backwards in time. Which would be fine if we went back to,
say, when I was 16. To that time when Rebecca Hernandez gave me my
first ever blowie. That was a good day. Instead I went back to that
time when Suzy Becker got drunk and vomited on me.Anyway, your Friday Link Dump:
--Got like 50 million e-mails about this today. At this point, you have to expect that he's going to pull this kind of shit. And why wouldn't the Patriots sign him? God knows all those holes in Brady's ass came courtesy of JT. Well, not all of them. So this will be the last time I mention this fuckstick ever again on FN. That is until Jake Long folds him in half and shits in his mouth during a game. This is also why Dan Marino's will be the only jersey I ever wear. Period.
/falls into fetal position and cries himself to sleep. until DRK finds me three days layer unshaven and unwashed with pizza stains on my shirt, and he throws water in my face and smacks me and yells, "SNAP OUT OF IT!!!" and then we go out and find ourselves some hookers and blow. the end.
--Ethan Skolnick breaks down the reason why Calvin Pace chose the Jets over the Dolphins last off-season:
the Jets wined and dined Pace aggressively. He stayed in an upscale hotel, hung out with Eric Mangini after his physical, rode in a limo with Mangini and Mike Tannenbaum and their wives (with a police escort), and ate with them at Nobu 57 in Manhattan. The next morning, he met with the defensive coaches and flew by helicopter over the city to the Jets' new facility. Then they went to a golf course that Trump owns and had a gourmet lunch. Finally, they went to owner Woody Johnson's home and walked around a while - then back to NYC.Here was Pace's quote:
"When I went to Miami it was the same format - only there were seven other free agents there at the same time! The Jets definitely made me feel more special."
Really, Calvin? Really? Limo and helicopter rides! What are you fucking 8? Well I hope you enjoyed the limo rides to and from the grocery store to buy yourself beer and chips for the playoff game we played in. Thank Christ we didn't sign this cockbag who'd rather punch glass (Eds. Note: the by-line says Elvis but it's all me, baby. Just sayin) and eat gourmet food on Donald Trump's golf course than, you know, play football.
--Here's where we're at with the MVN mock draft. As you can see, all the best OLB's are flying off the shelves. The Dolphins will be making their fake pick next week. Be sure to come over then and tell me how amazing I am in the comments. Not so much because I'm great at evaluating future NFL talent. But more because I have terrible self esteem and need coddling. I'm a winner!
