Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Weekender: Lima Time

This week's Weekender girl is Adriana Lima. I had mentioned her earlier this week here. And wouldn't you know it, she's in the news today. Well, her cockbag husband is. He was accused of sexual assault. Why would a gorgeous titted, possesor of a perfectly rounded ass woman like Adriana marry a middling NBA player who isn't satisfied loving her every day of her life and has to force himself on some other woman? Because God hates me, that's why.

The charges were apparently dropped. But I'm not convinced. It's time to slip into my super hero costume and investigate this further as the Masked Dude (it's a costume essentially made up of an old shirt with holes over my eyes, sweatpants, a towel for a cape and dish washing gloves. I'm a badass). Me and my trusty sidekick will get to the bottom of this! Are you ready, chum? Good. Let's do this! Hi-ho-penis! Away!!!!

Thanks for your patience today, Nation. The comments have been fixed as has been the ability for all to log in. Have a great weekend!

Dolphins Attend Workout of Generically-Named Jason Williams

The Dolphins had representatives at the Northwestern Pro Day workout of projected mid-round pick Jason Williams, a linebacker that actually attended Western Illinois University.  He's listed at 6'3" and 238lbs so he's definitely got the right size to play for us.  Also not too shabby??  The fuckin' blazing 4.42 40-yard time he ran at the workout.  Also of note is that he led the nation with 6 forced fumbles last year showing you that the FO is intent on getting some playmakers that can put the ball on the ground.  That gives me an instant Big Dick Day.

Anyway, worth keeping an eye on if we don't go LB with the very first pick or if we trade the #25 for a couple more in the 2nd and 3rd.

More info here and here.  All via PFT.

the comment section is broken...

.... but don't panic. Because Irina Sheik and her gorgeous ass are here to help. Whew! That was a close one! Thanks Irina.

Also, I've sent word to MVN and they're fixing it.

Eric Green is a Miami Dolphin

The Dolphins announced today that they signed free agent cornerback Eric Green. He's 26 years old, 5'11 196 pounds and has recorded 169 tackles, 2 INTs, 31 pass deflections, 7 forced fumbles and 6 fumble recoveries in 4 seasons in the NFL.

He missed three games with the Cardinals last year because of various injuries, and missed out on their playoff run thanks to a sore knee. That's pretty much all we know. We also know the Dolphins were lacking in warm bodies at the cornerback position. So this is a good signing because Eric Green is a warm body. I'm no scientist but I've read a lot of books. For example, I once read an article that says that women can prolong their life and look 10 years younger if they e-mail naked pictures of themselves to the blogs they read. True story, ladies. Don't say I never warned you! 

Brandon London Has Potential

Brandon London seems to be coming into his own after coming out of UMass as their all-time top receiver. And he's been a pretty solid receiver for Miami since we picked him up off waivers last year. He was the only receiver to do much of anything against the Ravens in the playoffs. Mainly because he catches just about anything that gets thrown his way. And since Chad Pennington was running for his life most of that game and just heaving the football up for grabs, London was there to pluck it our of the air. London was cut by the Giants after the pre-season last year. And they seem to have replaced him with Derek Hagan, which is compelling evidence to me that Jesus had everything to do with that Giants Super Bowl win against the Patriots because no one who essentially trades a Brandon London for Derek Hagan should ever have any business winning a Super Bowl without divine intervention. It's just a theory I'm working on. Look for it to air on History International in May. Anyway, Omar writes about London:

You'll probably be alarmed by how much buzz my recent blog entry on Miami Dolphins receiver Brandon London has created. I know I was.

I'm not just talking about the Dolphins fan base. I'm referring to getting a few texts from his teammates talking about how good London looked at times last season, and one NFC scout telling me his team planned to claim London before the the Dolphins got to him.

"He's got serious, serious potential," he shot me in a text, pointing out it was a mistake for New York to cut London with the intent of stashing the former UMass standout on the practice squad.

This is all good stuff. And London appears to be a guy who's going to make some noise. That still doesn't mean we don't draft Hakeem Nicks. Because we need to. It's a matter of national security if you must know. Omar has a YouTube of London's Dolphins highlights. Unfortunately, they're all during practice. Still. Point taken. London could be a real steal if he can play the way he practices. He's a big dude, has football quickness and catches everything. You hear that Ginn? EVERYTHING. He's also got a fiery personality on the field, gets after the football, doesn't quit on plays and isn't afraid to go down the middle. Know who else isn't afraid to go down the middle? Me. Call me ladies.

CB Ken Lucas Just Released by Panthers

Sure he's 30 years old, he got burned a few times last year and Steve Smith broke his nose or whatever, but Ken Lucas was just released by the Panthers and I don't see a whole lot of other viable options available at this time.  He's gotta be better than Jason Allen...

And Now FNs Completely Useless and Downright Arbitrary Linebacker Draft Prospect Rankings

Even with the signing of freak machine Cameron Wake and the re-signing of "el loco" Channing Crowder, we desperately need more playmaking linebackers in our 3-4 defense.  Big dudes that can pressure the QB opposite Joey Porter and create havoc in the second level of the defense.  Thus, continuing in the tradition of my partner-in-crime, Le Dude, here's a bit of a breakdown on reasonably available LB prospects in this year's draft.  As The Dude did with Crabtree, I'm tossing out Aaron Curry since there's unfortunately no way in fucking Hell that we're getting this guy unless he's found in a parked car with a kilo of Bolivian Gold and a loaded Uzi.  In other words, unless he provides us with a Maurice Clarrett moment, this guy will likely be a Top 3 pick.

 

On with the prospects:

 

1.  Rey Maualuga, USC:  I will never get used to typing that guy's name but he's the total MLB package, a void that is glaring in our defense.  He's got good size and great speed, he's hard hitting and he's great in coverage.  He's been a starter at MLB since his sophomore year and comes from a great defensive school in USC.  This guy will be flying all over the place from Day One in the NFL and he's got the crazy fucker instincts of a Polamalu.

 

Chances We Get Him:  Slim and none.  I considered not even including him in here but he does have a few character issues that may cause him to slip a little (see his doggystyle dancing behind sideline princess Erin Andrews on YouTube). 

 

2.  James Laurinaitis, OSU:  Another MLB prospect that's a solid tackler that sheds blocks well and has a good sense of where the play is going on every snap.  Smart kid that had a pretty sick junior year campaign winning the Butkus award as well as Big Ten Defensive Player of the Year.  Very Urlacheresque and not just cuz he's a cornfed white boy.  He may or may not have stuck his pistil in Paris Hilton. 

 

Chances We Get Him:  Decent.  But truth be told, I'm not a big fan of OSU LBs and I don't think anyone else out there is too impressed by them either.  I'm hoping we don't get this guy as much as he has all the tools on paper and played very well in college, particularly his junior year.

 

3.  Brian Cushing, USC:  My personal choice.  He's quick to the ball, makes plays and had a bang up Combine with top performances in a bunch of scientific minutae that doesn't necessarily mean shit.  He's also big enough to be an edge rusher at 6'3", 243.  Durability issues have been a big concern as he missed some games in '07 but held up for all of USC's 13 games in '08. 

 

Chances We Get Him:  Not too hot.  His draft stock has been rising steadily since the Combine but a couple of surprises by other teams in the first round (like, say, you have the 9th pick and you choose a kick returner with a bum ankle) and he could possibly fall to us.  He has the look and feel of a Parcells guy if he can stay on the field.

 

 

4.  Clay Matthews, USC:  USC really bringing it this year with the LBs.  He's only started 10 games and has some trouble shedding blockers.  He performed very well at the Combine behind Cushing's numbers.  A versatile dude that can play DE and LB (inside and out).  An intriguing prospect with a lot of 'upside' but that's what girls always say about my cock.  I'm a total 'grower'.  

 

Chances We Get Him:  Possible as he's in our range but I question his lack of experience.  Dude was a former walk-on so he's proven he can be hungry and produce but he's not someone I'd take with the 25th pick and I reckon neither will the Trifecta.

 

5. Clint Sintim, Virginia:  Great size and strength plus he's a Virginia guy so you know Groh will be in Parcells' ear about this kid.  His pass coverage skills are a bit weak but he's gotta be an improvement over Matt 'T-Rex Arms' Roth.  A good tackler, he struggles with lateral movement and change of direction - which makes him more ideal for a 3-4 than 4-3. 

 

Chances We Get Him:  A very solid early 2nd rounder if we can swing it and decide to go with DB or C for the first round. 

 

Next week:  I take on cornerbacks

See Also: FN's Wide Receiver Rankings

Link Dump

                     Boots on the beach? Why that's like wearing boots to bed! I approve!

As you can see, this post is going up at 12:28 PM EST, which means Dolphins news is slow as hell-to pretty much non existent today. Which means as soon as I post this, the Dolphins will trade for Andre Johnson or some shit (which would be fucking awesome!!!).

So, we leave you with an afternoon link dump. Because nothing makes the day go by faster than a good dump:

• Leigh Bodden signed with the Patriots. Thaaat's right. There are no more cornerbacks left on the market. Well, there are, but they all suck. I'll take Chris McAlister if he's willing to take a huge-ass pay cut. And I've soured on Eric Green because, frankly, I didn't know the guy existed until he visited with Miami. That can't be good.
  
• Armando Salguero has a solid blog post about the differences in philosphy between the Fins and Patriots. And it's actually a pretty good read. He also ends the post by asking his commenters to "bring the level of comments up a couple of notches." A quality post? A challenge to his commenters to stop being idiots? Is a certain blog getting to his head? I'm going to go with yes. 
• Dave Hyde still thinks Jason Taylor will end up with the Patriots. Dave Hyde is like those people that have to report every little thing your hot ex-girlfriend is rumored to be doing. I hate those fucks.
• Turns out T.O. kinda sucks against the AFC East. Now Parcells' plan of not signing a veteran corner is coming into focus!
• Full round-by-round Draft Order. We'll be live blogging the draft. Or not. I haven't decided yet. I'm a lazy idiot. Either way, we'll bring you full coverage. I get in that ass!
  
• By the way, MVN is having a mock draft all this month. Every day a different blogger picks for their respective team. Yours truly will be picking for the Fins. Follow along won't you?

That's it for now. Enjoy the rest of this slow-ass day, Nation. I'm just going to take the rest of the day off and play with my kids. And by 'my kids' I mean my balls.

Uh, no thanks

The Palm Beach Post's Edgar Thompson runs a pretty good Dolphins blog. Except for the days when he writes about how Jason Allen might be the answer the Dolphins need at cornerback.

One of the candidates is easy to dismiss, but also hard to ignore: Jason Allen.

Allen's enigmatic, at times ignominious, three years with the Dolphins have caused many to overlook him, while the team looks for answers at cornerback.

But more than two weeks into free agency, Allen could be shaping up to be as much of a candidate as anyone.

At this point I think we've seen all we need to see from Jason Allen as a starting cornerback. And I can give you my Mike Mayock break out the game-tape scouting report breakdown on Allen right now: He sucks. Ass. Lots of it. The end.

I'm all for either drafting a corner or signing someone like Leigh Bodden, who you know has a decent proven track record. Eric Green would be cool too. But it looks to me like, unless we target a stud corner with at least one of our first two draft picks, the regime is going to take their chances with the unknowns like Joey Thomas and Scorpio Babers. And that just spells trouble. You never ever go into an unknown situation and then just hope for the best. That's just poor judgment. Be sure to check if the lady you just met has a bulge in her pants before you hop in the sack with her. That's what I always do. Except if I met Adriana Lima. Then all bets are off. She could have the Sarlacc monster down her pants and I'd still do her.

Dolphins Checked Out Sean Smith

Dolphins defensive backs coach Todd Bowles was in Utah yesterday. He was there for the University of Utah's Pro Day. Why the hell else would he be there? Specifically, he was there to scout cornerback Sean Smith. Here's a YouTube video of Smith's crazy one armed interception against Wyoming (only thing being reviewed here is his awesomeness).

This is fantastic news given that the Dolphins have a huge hole at the cornerback position. And at 6'3, 209 pounds, Smith needs to be on the Dolphins radar like right now. For the love of the sweet baby Jesus, please draft Sean Smith, Dolphins. The guy is just a massive heap of balls!! Sean Smith, not the baby Jesus.

Smith measured in at 6-3 1/2 and 209 pounds. He ran the 40-yard dash in 4.47 and 4.49 seconds. He had a 32-inch vertical and a 9-5 broad jump. He participated in position drills but did not do any shuttle drills, save for the 60-yard shuttle.

It's simple. We need a dude who can snatch footballs out of the sky, throw Randy Moss down like a sack of shitty diapers, intercept Tom Brady multiple times until he makes that stupid douchey pouty face he makes when he gets mad, shove a cleat hitch up Terrell Owens' ass, and help lead the Dolphins to multiple Super Bowl titles. Not asking for much here. And Sean Smith seems to have the full package. Size, speed, leaping ability and freakishly long arms. Look at them. You can land an airplane on those things. Well maybe not you. But I bet that old badass that landed a plane in the Hudson River could.