No one knows how the hell this whole thing is going to go this weekend. So the following is basically just an exercise in futility until Saturday comes. But just for fun, we take a look at several mock drafts. I think we can all agree that if someone happens to guess the correct pick for the Dolphins, that that someone will act like insufferable know-it-all dick from now until the end of days. Especially if that someone is me.
- For some reason, the Sun-Sentinel saw fit to post a mock draft done by the Baltimore Sun. You could not pick a more random newspaper from a more random shit town. Might as well have gone with the Horneytown Herald. Anyway, the brainiacs from the Baltimore Sun have the Fins taking CB Darius Butler, UConn.
- The Sporting News held a mock draft with sports writers picking for their respective city's team. The Herald's Jeff Darlington selects CB Vontae Davis, Illinois. If Vontae's pro career turns out to be anything like his brother Vernon's, then we're golden! Golden is of course a euphemism for having our collective scrotums shoved into a Cuisinart set on 'dice.'
- Pat Kirwan of NFL.com has us taking WR Hakeem Nicks, UNC. Just the fact that Pat Kirwan likes the same guy I do makes my brain hurt a lot.
- The charisma-deficient Mike Florio of PFT has some mysterious entity making his picks for him. He calls this enigmatic Deep Throat-like figure Mr. X. Why so secretive? It's a damn mock draft, not a government probe on who shot JFK. The so-called Mr. X has us taking LB Brian Cushing, USC.
- Scout.com gives the Dolphins DE Aaron Maybin, Penn State. That would actually be the tits. I really like tits, so that means that I would really like this pick. Very seriously doubt a beast like Maybin drops to 25. But you never know. Tits work in mysterious ways, man.
- The National Football Post has the Fins taking CB Sean Smith, Utah. That works for me. Only problem: they've got the Ravens taking Ray Maualuga right after us. No way that happens if the Samoan Grinder is there for Parcells.
- As DRK chronicled last week, SI.com's Mr. Analysis has the Fins taking WR Kenny Britt, Rutgers over Maualuga. Because Britt's a Jersey guy! Just like Bill Parcells! Sure Maualuga could potentially be the next Shawn Merriman and become the game-breaking cornerstone for our defense for the next decade. But he's not from Jersey. Fuck that guy.
