I can't tell you how excited I got when Roger Goodell announced Pat White as the Dolphins pick in the second round. Not Megan Fox touches me in my happy place excited. But excited nonetheless. Not only will he make the Wildcat formation psychedelic as fuck but, as Omar Kelly reports today, he knows a dude who knows a dude who says he thinks Pat White will revolutionize the NFL.Actually, it's an NFL scout Omar spoke with:
One front-office official believes the Miami Dolphins are trying to revolutionize pro football by bringing the spread to the NFL, and he said the right player to do it in White.
Jon Gruden jizzed himself when the Fins selected White and proclaimed that "the spread offense was officially in the NFL." Jimmy Johnson expanded on the whole Ballsedelicness of Pat White on 560 QAM radio last week saying, "For the 30 minutes it takes to put in a Wildcat play it takes a defense a day to figure it out and work on how to stop it." Fuck. And yea!
While the Patriots run a form of the Spread Offense with Brady, Moss, Welker and all the other New England Faggots, and the Wildcat itself is a form of the Spread Offense, with White onboard, it's about to get crunked up like a motherfucker in this hizzy. Because White brings an electrifying dynamic to the formation -- namely, his heaping balls of crazy-ass speed in addition to his ability to throw the football like a pocket quarterback. Brady can throw, but the dude runs like my Mom. Haha fuck him (Love you Mom!). With an athletic dynamo like White, what starts off as a traditional Spread Offense now becomes the Spread Option. And that means all kinds of crazy shit like the Wish Bone, the Wing-T, the Flexbone and other batshit formations. And that, my friends, is what's gonna fuck some people's shit up real good.
Best part about getting White: Bill Belichick wanted him. Both he and Parcells scouted him hard, and many "experts" swore White was going to end up a Patriot. And they would have all dropped to their knees ready to verbally suck off the Belidouche as an innovative genius who deserves all praise and honor and glory Amen. Except they forgot the Cockpuncher taught him pretty much everything he knows. And the Cockpuncher is the one who ended up with White. And yet he gets a C- minus from Mel Kiper Shitforbrains. Cockbag.
Will White revolutionize the NFL? Who knows. But at least a couple of scouts believe he will be, at the very least, an electrifying presence on the field that will make opposing defensive coordinators' balls more sweaty than usual.
Pat White is a Miami Dolphin. I don't know about you, but my nipples are so hard, they can engrave the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union in Sanskrit on an uncut diamond right about now.
