Have you ever gotten up in the morning and felt it's great to be alive? That every breath is a gift of sweet life from above? Me neither. But I imagine it's close to what I'm feeling right now, mainly because Jason Taylor is a Dolphin again. Also because, now that the dust has settled, and we look back on the last couple of months, we can clearly see that our Fins had themselves a pretty sweet off-season. It just sort of crept up on us. Like a warm sunny breeze by the lakeside. Or a morning hardon.Anyway, Omar Kelly gives us his Top 10 off-season additions that will make the biggest impact for the Dolphins this year.
The entire list is kick-ass. Because it makes you appreciate how good we have it with Parcells running shit, in spite of Stephen Ross and his epic quest to make us the most ridiculous franchise in the NFL. Ross makes the list by the way. And Omar points out that The Gargoyle has made an impact by keeping Parcells and bringing in CEO Michael Dee. And those are good points.
I guess the main thing I take out of that is that we should be able to take dumbass stadium names, C-list celebrities, and the gayest fight song ever, if it means winning games and shoving a gargantuan monkey fist up Bill Belichick's ass year in and year out. And, at the end of the day, that's what it's all about in my book.
Aside from tits, of course. Tits takes a back seat to no monkey fist up Bill Belichick's ass. Because tits are awesome. They should be on tables at restaurants along with salt and pepper. Or, better yet, as an extra topping at Cold Stone. Anytime anyone says, "This Sweet Cream Latte needs something," or "What would make this Hunka Chunka Burnin' Fudge taste better?" The answer invariably should be, "tits!" Tits! Again and again. That's my philosophy anyway....
