PBP reports that the Dolphins have signed 6th-round pick and hulking white boy, Andrew Gardner, to a deal. Details of the contract are not available at this time but they are said to include a diamond-encrusted cornhusker, a Southern girl from David Lee Roth's infamous and regrettable 'California Girls' video, and a bushel of wheat, along with some other financial considerations. Gardner is one big motherfucker at 6'7" and 300 lbs and should provide us with some depth along the O-line behind Jake and his enormous, scary contract. Obviously a 'project' guy, he fits the Parcells mold perfectly having played 48 straight games (they really do love guys that are always out on the field barring the loss of any extremities or necessary appendages) until he tore his labrum late in the season. Worse comes to worst and the guy doesn't work out, maybe he'll come back even stronger with that torn labrum and turn into fucking Drew Brees or - at the very least - have potential as the 459th tight end currently on our roster. Maybe.
And just maybe I'll take about 4 Rhino 51s tonight and troll the East Village knocking down walls with my bare cock while I foam at the mouth and angrily grasp at female pedestrians. Maybe I'll toss cars into the street and generally terrorize the City of New York with my frothing maw, feverish blood pressure and unchecked rage until every single woman in the 6 1/2 to 10 range is well-fucked and happy, every male Jets fan and unattractive female Jets fan is dead and the city is once again at peace as the morning dawn bathes us in its effervescent glow. Maybe I'll do that, huh??!!