As we all know, the Dolphins are set to make a HOLY!!! NUTBAGS!!! MY!!! HEAD'S!!! BOUT!!! TO!!! SPLODE!!! MAJOR!!!! ANNOUNCEMENT!!! later today. That announcement: Marc Anthony will join Stephen Ross' Circus of the Shitty Has-Beens as a minority owner. For some reason, the announcement is being made in New York and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will be in attendance. Fuck everything in that last sentence. Howevah!, the Herald's David J. Neal is keeping it real this morning:
And spare us any talk about the ``enhancing fans' in-game experience'' with spectacular pregame or halftime shows. Outside of the Super Bowl, we don't care and we usually don't care then, either. Halftime is when we do a reset: hit the restroom, reload on beer, nachos and hot dogs, concentrate on updates from other games coming through on our iPhones and BlackBerrys.
Damn straight. If The Gargoyle wants to share his team with other rich people, that's fine. But don't pretend like this is some kind of important event in the history of mankind. Don't call it a "Major Announcement." The only time those words should be associated with the Miami Dolphins is with the following: "Scientists at NORAD have cloned and created a 25 year old Dan Marino. He is expected to sign a 4-year contract with the Dolphins this afternoon."
Nobody gives a shit, Ross. You're turning our franchise into a fucking Cabaret with people who haven't been relevent in decades. For fucksake, man. Stop it! Now go get yer fuckin' shinebox!
