/ wipes brow
At long fucking last The Doldrums, my friends, are OVER.
This is about that time of year that shit around these parts kicks into high gear and The Dude and I could not be happier. Even though there really no longer is an 'offseason' in the NFL anymore, there is nothing like the crisp sound of helmets cracking into each other, oversized men grunting something ugly and football football glorious football. I heard a fantasy preview last night while I laid in bed and I must have popped about 16 boners during the 50 minute podcast. I mean, I was getting excited over John Carlson, for crissakes. On Sunday at 2pm, we are finally free to endlessly fantasize about where our team will go. We are free to wonder about which players will rise and which will fall (hopefully none). Who will be this year's Davone Bess? What will the Wildcat look like with Pat White? How will Cameron Wake's 62,937 CFL sacks translate to the real shit? Will Donald Thomas return quickly and permanently? How will Henne perform with that eventual elevation to QB1 looming in the not too distant future? What rookies/undrafted guys will shine? How much gas does JT have in the tank? How will our run D look in an offseason where the D-line seems to have not been upgraded? Will Ted Ginn finally put all those bees in a fucking jar and make the Year 3 WR leap? How cute will Pennington be? On Sunday at 2pm, these and many, many more questions leading up to that beautiful, sparkling first Fall Sunday of professional football will begin to be answered. See, I just got another 3 boners typing that out.
Also boner-inducing? Miami Dolphins cheerleader Lilly, seen here tempting us with her luscious breasts, sandy buttocks and a little bubble face that could only look more amazing if it was, say, looking up at you from a kneeling position. Shit makes me wish I'd fag'd out in college and studied photography, sand dusting, or whatever shit gets you out to these photo shoots.
For the ladies, Don Draper himself Mr. Jon Hamm. I've been re-watching Mad Men Season 2 all week. Fuck it. I'd suck him.
Word of advice: If you're not on Twitter, I would highly advise you to get on that shit ASAP and follow the Sun Sentinel (Omar, Ethan) and Palm Beach Post (Edgar) crews in order to get the news as they see it happen. Don't follow Arrrrmando cuz that guy clearly fucking sucks at his job and nobody - not even his fucking peers - likes him anyway.
With that, I leave you with...
HOLY SHIT!!! IT'S TRAINING CAMP, PEOPLE!!! IT'S FINALLY FUCKING HERE!!! FUCK YOU DOLDRUMS!!!
GO DOLPHINS!!! WWAAAAHAHOOOEEEYYY!!!