Looks like The Doldrums were finally taken out back and beaten severely with a fist dildo! Because Dolphins training camp kicked off yesterday! Signaling the official start of the football season! Big giant tits in my face! Some Highlights:
-- A shitload of fans turned up to watch. Standing room only, people being turned away, people lining the outside fence, people watching from the parking garage. Holy fuck. It's a new era. The Parcells Cockpuncher era. This is a far cry from when I went a couple of years ago, during the Fuck My Mother In the Pants This Team Sucks Ass era, when there were like 150 people there, and my brother got into a verbal altercation with Trent Green. That was awesome. Anyway, good to see the enthusiasm returning.
-- Tony Sparano claimed that the right guard position is Shawn Murphy's to lose. As my friend Curtis would say, "Say what the motherfuck?" Ludicrous? Maybe. But it is day one. And perhaps Coach Uge Fuckin' Calves is looking to motivate Murphy. Or maybe Donald Thomas needs to hurry the fuck up with getting to 100% so we don't have to worry because that shit is crazy.
-- Meanwhile, Justin Smiley is coming back nicely. No word on who or what he shoved up his ass.
-- Captain Balls came into camp stronger, and Sparano says he's noticed more arm strength from him. Balls.
-- The CFL still sucks apparently.
-- Omar says the best play of the day came from a long bomb TD from Chad Henne to Chris Williams. Mike Berardino says the best play of the day came from a long bomb TD from Chad Henne to Brandon London. Either way, the best play of the day came from a long bomb TD from Chad Henne to somebody. I cannot wait for this team to unleash The Robot upon the unsuspecting world. Fuck and yes!
-- Ricky Williams = Uge Fucking Calves, Part II
-- Greg The Golden God Camarillo practiced without a brace and looked good.
-- Some weird shit happening with Matt Roth. He didn't practice, looked thin, Sparano says he failed his conditioning test, his agent says he has a groin injury, it's apparently a big fucking mystery.
-- New Jersey Nets head coach Lawrence Frank was in attendance. Get that fucking midget away from my team! Let's Go Heat! Let's Go Heat!
-- Last play of the day was a Wildcat. Why? Because Fuck You Rest of the NFL, that's why.
