Well, uh, Aquaman... we're both kind of busy with work and...
Busy? Work? Fuck you! You guys working for fucking NORAD or some shit? You guys deep sea divers rescuing sunken nuclear submarines? No. You're fucking not. One of you is a shit ass freelance writer, which means you spend your entire day eating Doritos and watching re-runs of Family Matters on the fucking ABC Family network. And the fuck knows what the other one does besides jagging off in a cubicle all the live long day.
Hey now, Aquaman. That's not cool. Just chill....
The fuck, you fucks? How fucking hard is it to post news about the Dolphins? Shit for breakfast, man! It's not fucking brain surgery. You mean to tell me that two of you faggots can't find one goddamned article to post for us to read? It's not like we're asking you to break down game film or anything. The work is already done for you! Faggots. All you need to do is cut and paste that shit and make a stupid snide dick joke or talk about how wonderful Megan Fox's tits are. See how easy that was? You fucks.
I.... I'm sorry.
Stuff your sorries in a sack, you fuck stick fuck. Just give me something I can read. It's fucking Friday, for fucksake. All I want is for the day to go by so I can go the fuck home and go out tonight and get shitfaced with Hawkman and Spidergirl. Is that too much to ask? I'm stuck in the fucking ocean all day talking to fish. You realize how fucking humiliating that shit is? Superman has all those fucking powers, the Apache Chief can make himself giant. Shit, even that fudgepacking homo from the Wonder Twins can shapeshift into something. And that guy sucks more cock than Perez Fucking Hilton. Even Batman is cool, and he doesn't even have any powers! Me? I was blessed with the ability to communicate with undersea animals. Woopity-fucking-doo! So save it, you fuck. Just give me some Dolphins news and be on your merry way, you assfuck.
Um... okay. Here are some links on the Fins:
--Justin Smiley was limited in practice, but says he'll be ready
--The Dolphins have been practicing with former Chargers tight end all week
--Some key Chargers are injured entering this week
--Joey Porter is dealing with a hamstring injury, but should play Sunday
Uggh.... Fuck you. It's too late for me to read all that! There's a woman drowning off the coast of Bimini and I have to call a school of mackerel to save her. Probably some fat ass tourist who fell off her goddamned jet ski. Jesus. Fuck my life.