The NFL season finally kicks off tonight! The defending AFC East champions start their season on the road this Sunday in Atlanta! Are your nipples as hard as mine and DRK's? I thought so! Many questions surround the Dolphins this season, let's get to it:
So, will the Dolphins repeat as AFC East champions?
I don't think so.
Fuck you!!!! What the fuck?! Fuck you!!!!
My heart says yes, but my brain says no. And there are several reasons for this.
Fuck you and your brain!
Just hear me out.... First off -- yes, the Dolphins schedule scares me a little. Not as much as it scares most "experts." But still. Also, the Patriots are going to be a major threat to our chances of a repeat. Again, not as much as the mainstream media that lives to suck their cock say, but still. It's not impossible. But it'll be very hard.
Heh... "lives to suck their cock." FUCK THOSE FUCKING FUCKSTICKS!!!!
Uh... yea. Anyway, the Patriots offense is just sick. Randy Moss makes that machine go. But, if Brady goes down again - and that's always a good possibility because he's been a pretty fragile douche lately - then we're golden. My point is, while most say they're Super Bowl bound, their defense is a mess. And that always leaves an opening.
I'm listening.
Well if we can blitz the shit out of them, and if we've learned to contain their spread, then we'll at least split our season series. And that's all we need. However, they do have just a tad more firepower than we do.
Hurmph...okay. I feel better. A little bit, anyway. Sorry I said fuck you. That was rude of me.
No problem.
But what about the playoffs? Will we make the playoffs?
Yes. Yes we will. Most likely via the Wildcard. But so what? The Jets and Bills will both finish below us in the division. Then we just have to take care of business against the Jaguars and Texans while the Steelers beat up the Ravens.
Oh fucks yea!
Yep.
Do you think Chad Pennington will have another great year?
I do. But it comes with a caveat.
Oh fuck yea!!! Wait. What's a cavear?
A caveat. It means something that comes with a warning or caution. While Captain Balls will have another good year, I'm afraid it's going to be because of a porous running game, forcing us to throw more than we intend to.
The fuck, man?
Well, last year's run blocking was pretty crappy. And while we made some adjustments here and there this offseason, it still didn't look all that great in the preseason. I just don't have confidence in our running game, is all. I really hope I'm wrong. Either way, we do have the Wildcat and we do have a pretty solid no-name receiving corps and Pennington is pretty special.
Hrm. Well, what about the defense? Will they be kick-ass or what?
I think our front seven is being vastly underrated. It's a little aged in some spots, but JT and Peezy are going to be game wreckers. And I think Cameron Wake will surprise some people. Of course depth is always key. But if we stay healthy, we're going to give quarterbacks fits.
What about our secondary?
Hmmm.... well....
What?
Well. I'm worried about our secondary. Mainly because we have rookies out there. Sure, Sean Smith is a bad motherfucker.....
Don't you mean a Big Heaping Sack of Balls!!??
Exactly! He's that. And more. I LOVE that kid. But he's going to have his share of down times, as a rookie is wont to do. As will Vontae. Our safeties can knock the shit out of anyone. But they're not the greatest when it comes to speed. And Gibril Wilson was a no-show in the preseason. It's a toss up. We have some tough passing offenses to try and stop this season. But, if our front seven does its job, then they will cover up a multitude of sins.
Well fuck, man. You're so down on our team. You make me sad. I'd like to punch you in the dick.
No. I'm not. Look, I think we're a very good team. Better than what most are saying about us. Like I said, I think we have to keep in mind that winning the division is going to be very, very difficult. Not impossible. But much more difficult than last year. But, I do think we'll make the playoffs. That's all that matters, really. And if we can stay healthy, like we did last year, we'll make some noise in the postseason. We're on our way, man. I feel good about it. It's a tough hill to climb, but we have the tools to climb it!
You're a tool.
C'mon. Don't be like that.
Fuck my craw.
Seriously. I'm just telling it like it is. In fact, I think we can win 9 to 10 games, even in our tough division and even with our tough schedule.
Eat my shit.
Guh.
What does DRK have to say about the 2009 Dolphins?
Funny you should ask. He's been here the whole time! DRK?.....
DRK's Take:
- DRK's Foundation 'T' (patent pending). Age and experience up the middle on both sides of the ball. The fundamental characteristic of any good team. Can Channing Crowder elevate his play to be a more dependable and play-making middle linebacker? Can Akin Ayodele continue his own progress? To complement the age/experience up the middle, The Trifecta has injected youth, talent and (in the case of the offensive line) quite a bit of money along the lines. This is progress we need to monitor closely as we continue to build the team towards a perennial contender in the aftermath of the Wannstedt/Saban/Cameron shitshow. Can Merling emerge from his 'poor practice player' stigma? Can Kendall Langford make the great leap and burst through the rookie wall with true Major Lazer awesomeness? Can the O-line finally gel together, create huge running lanes and justify the huge investment?
- Can Pat White justify 2nd round selection with 5 or more TDs? He needs to produce THIS year on some level in order to justify his selection at that point in time with so many other glaring needs.
- Can the Wildcat evolve quickly enough before defenses can consistently shut it down and render it obsolete? This ties in perfectly with Point #2.
- This was clearly Jeff Ireland's draft. How will this year's more 'sexy' draft picks fare in a year that was considered by many to be another year that would focus on continuing to build depth in the trenches? Can those draft picks translate into playmakers that limit long drives on either side of the ball?
DRK's 2009 Prediction: 9-7
The Dude's 2009 Preditction Prediction (fuck you fingers!!): 9-7
