Fuck and yes.
This is the way Sundays should feel like, fucknabbit! A thorough beatdown of Biblical proportions against a divisional foe. Jason Taylor being all Jason Taylory. Black Thunder obliterating defensive linemen and linebackers at a whim. Receivers actually catching passes. And both the defense and offense contributing to the cause.
For all the shit we've given Vontae Davis here at FN, we gladly take a bow and let him now place his nutsack on our proverbial faces. For we have been PWND. VD not only nabbed the first INT of the season for the defense, he took it back for six and set the tone for the rest of the massive nutpunch that would await the Williamses.
Chad Henne not only got his first win, but he threw his first touchdown pass, stopped the bleeding, and gave every Bills fan in attendance at LandShark an atomic wedgie with his crisp passes, his robotic efficiency and his not throwing the ball to the other team. Add a splash of some kick ass running by the Dynamic Duo of Black Thunder and the Ageless Wonder, and the offesnive line, well, that's just big huge titties in my face awesome. Henne completed 14 of 22 passes for 115 yards and a touchdown and no INTs. Exactly what we all needed from him. It was a performance he no doubt had been dreaming of since The Maker implanted his biotechnical brain back on the Planet Klatuu many lightyears ago.
Ah but that's not all. Because there would be plenty of awesomeness to come from pretty much everyone involved with the Dolphins. Just when the Bills looked like they had us figured out with the big play passes downfield, Jason Taylor flexed his cock muscles and stepped up and sacked Trent Edwards twice, completely fucking up any momentum the Bills had found while simultaneously making my pants splode. Jason Taylor is The Closer.
Then there was Cameron Wake. Holy fuckballs is that guy just 6-3, 250 pounds of asskicking wonderfulness. Wake had six tackles, a forced fumble, and 3 sacks on the day. And just as we all predicted, he seemed to have his best plays when on the field during nickel and dime packages -- which is pretty much what Wake is. A guy who rears back and mauls the opposing quarterback like a fucking grizzly bear. But not just a fucking grizzly bear. A fucking bionic grizzly bear. With a built-in bazooka.
Shit, there were so many good things happening, it was tough to keep up with. Even Ted Ginn got in on the orgy with a nifty 22-yard end-around. Because if Ginn's gonna be good at anything, it's going to be something involving an end-around.
So, to recap: A win. A fucking win. And not just a squeak-by-lucky-bounce win. I'm talking a My-Cock-Has-More-Girth-Than-King-Kong's win. On the same day the Pats needed a Ted Ginn-like performance from Ravens' receiver Mark Clayton to pull off not losing again, and a Jets loss thanks to Mark Sanchez showing that world famous Peter King creaming his undies poise of his with 4 turnovers, two of which were touchdowns.
Welcome back, Victory Monday! You fickle little minx you. You've been cruel to us lately. But you have awesome knockers, so we welcome you back with open arms!
Can't get enough of Victory Monday? Why come on over to the Miami New Times and read my Fins-Bills recap there! Leave a comment! Show me some love! Weeeeee!!!