ESPN’s Chris Mortensen is reporting that Ted Ginn will officially start seeing less and less playing time. And that if the trade deadline had been this week, rather than last week, the Fins would be actively shopping him around (incidentally, I’m not sure why that is. It’s not like Ginn didn’t suck gorilla balls before last week). I don’t know how true this report is. Mortensen is supposedly pals with Parcells, so there must be some grain of truth in there. Either way, I hope it’s true. Because I really have grown tired of Ted Ginn Jr. And by that, I mean I hope a piano falls on his head. And when he gets up, his teeth are the piano keys like in Tom & Jerry. And then when he tries to stand up, he gets run over by a steamroller. With spikes. And Chinese throwing stars. And that the steamroller stops, backs up, and runs him over again 75,000,000 times. And then the steamroller explodes. The end.
Ted Ginn has become more than just a guy who has passes bounce off his hands like he were Karch fuckin Kiraly. He’s an unmitigated disaster in every possibly way imaginable. He is the waking epitome of past regimes’ utter and complete failure to do anything right or competent at any point. Throw Ginn’s atrocious game from this Sunday in with Drew Brees going apeshit on our secondary, and it all becomes clear. Sunday’s loss was one giant “Fuck you!” left to us by Cam Cameron and Nick Saban.
Brees could have easily been throwing for 298 yards and a TD for us on Sunday. Ted could have easily been having footballs bounce off his hands for anyone but us on Sunday. Saban deciding to go with Daunte Culpepper over Brees in the 2005 off-season and Cameron’s decision to go with Ginn over, well, anybody else, in the 2007 NFL draft came back with a vengeance on Sunday. Saban’s idiotic arrogance and Cameron’s moronic relationship with the Ginn Family collided over LandShark Stadium on Sunday and rained down hail-sized turds of Biblical proportions over all our heads. It was the perfect storm of fucktardedness.
Meanwhile, check out my man Scott’s Top Ten Ways Ted Ginn Can Give Back to The City of Miami over at Miami New Times.