Remember when their cheerleaders had lesbian sex in a restroom and then got busted for punching someone in the face after wards? That was awesome.
Ok, so here’s the scenario: Win, and we’re at .500 and looking at a real shot at a playoff berth. Lose, and we’re pretty much fucked in the face with a telephone pole.
Losing Ronnie is going to hurt us, no doubt. It’s bad enough when our offense is made up of a bunch of white dudes, a guy who runs routes like he’s being chased by a bee, and an emo tight end. Now we have to go and lose our absolute best fucking player. But does that mean we shrivel up, cancel the hookers and call it a season? Fuck and no it doesn’t. It means we sack up, let Ricky handle his shit, and hope to the ever loving little baby Jesus that our defense stops shitting on itself in the fourth quarter of games.
We’re 4-5, they’re 4-5. They’ve lost guys to injuries, we’ve lost guys to injuries. They have Delhomme, we have De Robot. They have Julius Peppers, we have Jason Taylor. They have Jon Beason, we have Cameron Wake. They have DeAngelo Williams, we have Ricky Williams. They have Steve Smith, we have…. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …………………………… fuck!
Ah well…. onto the keys
-I cannot stress this enough. Run. The. Fucking. Ball. The Panthers are actually very good defending the pass. However, they suck kangaroo testicles when it comes to defending the run. Carolina ranks 25th in the league, allowing an average of 128.1 yards per game. So, naturally, Dan Henning is gonna dazzle them with his Salvador Dali like mind and do shit we have no business doing, such as throwing it 70% of the time. Fuck. That. Dan. Run Ricky til he shits a canary. And then run Lousaka and Lex. Run, run. run. Nuff said.
-Looks like Joey Porter will be back tonight. Which can only mean one thing. Joey’s talking shit again.The offense is only going to need to score 17 points, you say? Oh Joey, please go fuck yourself with a small horse.
-For the love of all that is good and decent… please do not take Chad Henne out of the game and replace him with that little kid with the retard helmet. When Henne is getting into a groove, stop fucking with that groove! Pat White has one decent play against the Patriots and now we’re suddenly going to start throwing him out there every time we start moving the chains and getting into a rhythm? Fuck. That. This offense needs all the rhythm it can get — especially with Ronnie out of the mix. I don’t want to see Pat White unless the score is 1,265 to -888. And even then it better be because Henne needs to take a really serious shit.
-Stop DeAngelo and Jonathan. The Fins have been the tits when it comes to stopping the run this season. But lately, they’ve been fucking up in that department. They’ve allowed at least 100 rushing yards in five straight games. The Jets ran 127 yards on them with Thomas Jones and Shon Green. Williams and Stewart are better than those two as a tandem. The good news is, the Panthers are without Jordan Gross, which means the pass rush better be all over Jake Delhomme. Hit him, hit him often. Him him til he poops his own spleen.
-And for the love of large breasted women, please double up on Steve Smith as much as possible.
Feel free to throw your two cents in the comments. Also feel free to read my Miami New Times Game Preview.
Prediction: Dolphins 24 – Panthers 21
