Back up in your ass with the resurrection!
When Dan Henning was hired as the offensive coordinator for the Miami Dolphins last season, I had my doubts. He hadn’t endeared himself all that much in Carolina, and it seemed as if he was filling a need until the next guy became available. But those doubts were quickly erased since then. Mainly because of his use of the Wildcat, and his uncanny ability to not be Mike Mularkey or Chan Gailey. And now, there’s this: He’s frickin nuts!
Henning was asked about Ted Ginn Jr.’s performance against the Jets, and Henning came out and did what any offensive coordinator proud to see one of his players bounce back from adversity would do. Namely, he said Ted Ginn Jr. is Jesus Christ.:
“You know, in the Bible, on Palm Sunday they threw flowers and garlands at the Good Lord and then on Friday, they picked him up, beat the shit out of him, crucified him, and in this league they give us seven days – only gave him five. So we go back three or four weeks ago and Teddy was a hero after the first Jet game, he was a goat after New Orleans and now he’s a hero again. I can’t wait to see the next chapter of this and who decides that.”
Holy fuckbuckets! That’s insanely awesome. But wait. There’s more.
“To me, there can be no better human story than what happened last week around here and what Teddy was able to come up with. You can take anything that happened in that game, that was the best feeling for me to see him come out of that. He had to be lower than whale defecation, and that’s at the bottom of the ocean. You know what I mean? For him to be able to come out and do that, it’s a great story.”
So in a span of probably 60 seconds or so, we compared our fastest player to Jesus and whale shit. I don’t know about you, but I think Dan Henning just made my week.
In fact, that’s exactly how I plan to teach my kids about Easter. “On Friday, they took the Good Lord and beat the shit out of him. Then he turned into a massive pile of whale shit. And then he came back three days later and fucked everybody’s shit up. The end. Now go eat your chocolate bunny.”
