I’m not going to lie to you. When Chad Henne threw that interception with 1:52 remaining, I would have seriously punted a kitten into the ceiling if there was one nearby. I yelled out something that was supposed to sound like “C’mon Chad! What are you doing!!?? You asshole!!!” But it came out more like, “Fuck!! Cha….UGGHH!!! Papacheee!!!…. you!!… ass!!…. finger!!…. FUUUCCCKK!!!!” instead. And really, what the hell was he thinking? The play looked disorganized and destined for disaster from the get-go. It was so bad, it looked almost intentional. Like Henne was throwing a goddamn screen pass to a Tampa Bay linebacker.
As we all well know, when that shit happens in a Dolphins game, it’s time to pack it up and get ready for the coming shitstorm of anger and bewilderment. The Bucs took advantage of the INT, as well as our defense’s inability to sack up during fourth quarters, and turned it into their go-ahead touchdown. Now, down by one, with 1:10 left to play, the only thing left to do was mangle the kickoff return, even though Tampa Bay gave us 15 extra yards to work with after a Kellen Winslow unsportsmanlike penalty. The Fins did not disappoint. Ted Ginn couldn’t handle the kickoff (of-fucking-course!), let the ball careen backwards, and pinned the Dolphins back on their own 16.
Now most first-year quarterbacks would allow a huge mistake like an interception at crunch time that led to the opponent’s go-ahead TD to effect their psyche and fuck their shit up good and proper (hello Mark Sanchez!!!) and thus, fuck any chances of winning up in the process. But, Chad Henne is no man. Asked how he felt after the interception, Henne simply answered, “Disheartening.” It would be believable if he had a heart, or if he gave more than just a one-word answer. Such an awesome fuckin robot.
Henne proceeded to lead the Dolphins on a 5 play, 77-yard game-winning drive using little more than his laser rocket arm, Devone Bess and his own huge titanium ballsack. Henne threw darts of 25 and 16 yards to Bess, which set up Ricky’s 25-yard run, which set up Dan Carpenter’s eventual game-winning field goal.
So while haterz like Omar were getting ready to call Henne out on his single-handedly losing the game with that INT, and the rest of us were wondering why God hates us so, The Robot Chad Henne stepped the fuck up and led his team to a comeback win. Jason Taylor, purveyor of all things awesome, told Henne that he had grown up after that drive. Coach Sparano said Henne did “a hell of a job.” Jason Ferguson said, “No doubt,” when asked if Henne saved the season. Even the Buccaneers best player, Barrett Ruud, showed his respect to The Robot by calling the game-winning drive “Badass.”
Badass? Check.
Pair of very large titanium balls? Fuck and yea.
