For those of you who didn’t notice it, I proclaimed in the comments here that Olivia is slowly winning me over to the point that she’s threatening to dethrone Megan Fox as Official FN Girl (whhaaa???? tan-tan-TAN!). It’s true. My mind is a pretzel when it comes to these two minxes. On one hand, you have Megan — the world’s most perfect woman. But she’s also kinda got a meh personality. And she’s with this pencil dicked shitdipper. And she once famously shunned me when I tried to give her a rose. On the other hand, you have Olivia, who is my-pants-just-sploded hot in her own right. Sure, maybe not in the same degree as Megan. But then she does things like this, and this and this and this. And she also seems really cool. And I think my mom would like her, so that’s a bonus.
Is this just a fad? Is she really going to do the unthinkable and topple Megan?
There’s only one way to settle this. Megan, Olivia, me and some Hershey’s chocolate syrup. Because Hershey’s chocolate syrup is the Great Settler Of Disputes. In fact, if they would just introduce Hershey’s chocolate syrup to the Middle East, all the world’s ills would be solved.
Except the Middle East won’t sit on your face, which is vital to my plan.
It’s very complicated. All I know is that my penis and I are going to debate this for as long as it takes. But you can rest assured we’ll get to the bottom of this. The world has my guarantee on that.
Okay, I’ve babbled long enough. Have a great weekend, Nation. Enjoy doing whatever it is you do. Last night’s win sure will make it that much better. Also, enjoy your football on Sunday and watching the Jets and Patriots fuck each other up good and proper (hopefully some injuries will befall them as it did us, because fuck them).
It’s been an awesome day.