The Robot Chad Henne ... is watching you masturbate
Not sure if it was NFL Live or SportsCenter, but this morning I heard one of ESPN’s myriad of ex-jocks say that the Dolphins are now officially the team nobody wants to face. What a difference a giant-pair-of-tits win over the Patriots following a giant-pile-of-shit loss to the Bills makes. This ex-jock — if memory serves, it was Mark Schlereth, because he used a lot of “Let me tell you something about this Miami Dolphins football team” and “That’s what it takes to win in the National Football League” lines — said that the Dolphins can beat you in a number of ways on offense now, thanks to the recent play of Chad Henne.
And, according to this Jacksonville.com article (complete with super-clever headline!), the Jaguars are well aware of this:
The Jaguars need to prepare for every conceivable facet of offensive football – whether it’s wildcat, shotgun, I-formation or anything else – in anticipating the Dolphins’ choice of attack headed into Sunday’s showdown.
Blame a lot of that on Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne.
“Chad Henne has kind of taken over, pumped some life into them,” Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio said.
Damn right he has. And unless your name is JerryD, pretty much the entire football watching planet witnessed a young QB emerge as a guy every team needs to start taking seriously and taking into account. Here’s NFL game-tape guru Greg Cossell’s take on Henne’s performance against the Patriots:
Henne excellent arm strength, He snapped the ball with good velocity – He threw the ball well to the outside, with consistent accuracy… very impressive overall from a poise and comfort standpoint; Did not play fast from either a mental or physical standpoint, Was consistently decisive with his reads and throws… a tough pocket mentality, Stands tall and firm, Showed no inclination to leave the pocket too early. Henne overthrew a wide open Polite on a wheel route on the final drive; Other than the interception, which was a bad read and bad decision, it was his only inaccurate throw of the game. 4th + 6 completion to Camarillo on game winning drive was the same play they converted on game winning drive to beat the Jets in week 5 on Monday night, It was designed movement and a sideline comeback to Camarillo.
As we can plainly see, as long as Henne keeps playing this way, we’re learning that defenses are going to have to start adjusting to both the air and ground attack the Dolphins are bringing. We’re also learning that machines are our friends. They’re here to help us live better lives, with their convenience, their ability to enable us to access and retain more information than ever before, their ability to throw strong accurate passes, and their ability to kick opposing secondaries in the crotch til they puke their pancreas.
