Dearest Satan,
Oh, Prince of Darkness, Ruler of the Underworld, Anus Smelting Hellbeast, Mephisto, Master of all that is Hateful and Wrong with this Flawed World of Ours including the destruction of Haiti, the Genocide in Sudan and the Absurdity that has been the Continuance of our Season...
PLEASE.
I beseech you, now, when our journey appears to be fraught with actual, you know, viable competition that you provide us with more assistance than you have in the last bullshit-laden 4 games. Nevermind that our offense resembles that of the Tamiami Colts or that we have received Jordan-esque inspired play from only ONE player on our team while other, costly players drop passes in the endzone or our QB couldn't start for the Columbus Explorers JV squad. Please overlook the fact that our too-eager-to-celebrate-like-a-goddamn-faggot QB jumps around like a spry satyr awaiting your molten lava jizz so he can eagerly guzzle it and ask "please sir...may I have sum'more" like some goddamn Tiny Tim jizz addict. Watch as he celebrates without having contributed anything even slightly positive and, in reality, is no better than Jamarcus Russell except for the fact that he's, well, white so ridiculous adjectives are consistently bestowed upon him by aging mainstream media fuckheads to describe his less-than-pedestrian play.
It is now more than ever, my Lord, that we - all the man-milking, child-fucking, retarded minions of the New York Jets - implore you to aid us against Peyton Manning and the Colts to pull off another victory. Without your DIRECT assistance, Satan, there is ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING WAY we will emerge victorious and on to the Super Bowl. If that world were to exist - one in which the Jets have even a semblance of a chance of winning a Super Bowl - then it would be the equivalent 10,000 Haitian earthquakes, Ebola virus directly up the asses of every preschool child in the free world and the immediate deletion of all juicy pussies and big, bouncy tits from all the beautiful bitches of Mother Earth.
WE JETS FANS WOULD WELCOME THIS WORLD, DARK OVERLORD, AS WE ALL PREFER COPIOUS WARM JIZZ DOWN OUR THROATS FLOWING DIRECTLY INTO OUR MOUTHS FROM YOUR HELLACIOUS CUM VOLCANO!!!
J. I. Z. Z. JIZZ! JIZZ! JIZZ!
