Just because we're firmly esconced in The Doldrums doesn't mean we can't celebrate momentous occasions. Today is the birthday of one Captain Dickjoke around here so I implore you to wish him copious sloppy, ballsack-massaging blowjobs til his dying day and beyond, several J&B's on the rocks and whatever else that fuckin' sicko is into (a trip to Tootsie's perhaps???). I was watching this National Geographic special last night on the plight, trajectory and survivability of sperm and - motherfuck me - I could not picture a more perfect way that our fearless leader could have been conceived. He is the Alpha Jizz. So please make it your mission today to give some love to the man that gives us the good laughs every day (well, during the season anyway) and ensures there is an online refuge for boobies and Dolphins-related dickjokery. I love him like a brother. HE COMPLETES ME!!!
Quick Aside: HA-HA!!. Must rrrreeeeeaaaallllyyyy suck to be second-class citizens in your own fucking stadium, you pieces of shit.