WEEK 1 Sunday, Sept 12 @Bills (1:00)
Win. Bills will still be in shambles at this point. Maybe all season long.
WEEK 2 Sunday, Sept 19 @Vikings (1:00)
Contingent upon Old Balls Favre, really. Dirty team, though, so you have to account for that defense and running game. Possible win; likely loss.
WEEK 3 Sunday, Sept 26 NEW YORK JETS (8:20)
JT homecoming. No Santonio. Sanchez gets fucked by a Lexington Steele-sized cock all weekend; shows up Doubtful to play due to 'an overflow of semen buildup in the abdomen'. FUCKING WIN.
WEEK 4 Monday, Oct 4 PATRIOTS (8:30)
Monday night at home against the Pats? We have a good history there. Good game to go Orange. Win.
WEEK 5 BYE
Early bye fucking sucks but what ya gonna do?
WEEK 6 Sunday, Oct 17 @Packers (1:00)
I gotta say this is a loss, unfortunately. Dirty fuckin' team at home. Loss.
WEEK 7 Sunday, Oct 24 STEELERS (1:00)
Is Big Ben still suspended?? Guess we'll find out shortly. Regardless, I like us to win here. We're due up for a win against these rapists.
WEEK 8 Sunday, Oct 31 @Bengals (1:00)
Last year's Bengals were a fluke; 2010 they return to Bungledom. Win.
WEEK 9 Sunday, Nov 7 @Ravens (1:00)
Scary. We don't get Ferg back until the next week. This team always fucks with us and is very very physical. A toughy.
WEEK 10 Sunday, Nov 14 TITANS (1:00)
Not sure which version of the Titans we'll see. Ferg is back to contend with their run game so I like us at home against them. Win.
WEEK 11 Thursday, Nov 18 BEARS (8:20)
I worry about a resurgent Cutler some but I'm not so scared of their defense. Have they ever beaten us in a primetime game?? Win.
WEEK 12 Sunday, Nov 28 @Raiders (4:05)
Win - unless they re-sign Daunte Culpepper and he scores 10 fucking touchdowns. Better fucking win and beat that Al Davis vampire motherfucker.
WEEK 13 Sunday, Dec 5 BROWNS (1:00)
Holmgren or not. Fucking win. Especially at home.
WEEK 14 Sunday, Dec 12 @New York Jets (4:15)
WEEK 15 Sunday, Dec 19 BILLS (1:00)
Glad we got them away early so we can take them on late at home when they might have a semblance of their shit together. Win.
WEEK 16 Sunday, Dec 26 LIONS (1:00)
I'm not even going to address this. Win.
WEEK 17 Sunday Jan 2 @Patriots (1:00)
Could be a potentially big game with playoff implications. We haven't historically done well up there in the winter and God knows we don't need a repeat of that 2002 season finale. Big game. Will be interesting. Another toughy.
Analysis: Brutal early. Pretty damn brutal. Two games on the road to start the season when we've been pretty slow-going out the gate with this regime. In addition, 6 out of 8 first games are against 2009 playoff teams. That first half of the season will be the crucible and will define our team. However, if we can win 5 or 6 of those first 8 games, we should be in pretty good shape for the much easier (on paper) 2nd half. I can potentially see us being 11-5, maybe even 12-4. I'm bullish on us this season if we can a) get through that brutal first half with a decent record and b) remain reasonably healthy through that first half to set us up for the poundcake second half.
I'm sure The Dude will have his sage input soon. Your thoughts in the comments.