So here we are. Draft day. Weeee!
Last year I posted that I had a feeling that the Dolphins were going to take Vontae Davis with their first pick. They did! Then I posted that the player I really wanted them to take was Sean Smith. They did!
I AM A SOOTHSAYER AND MY COCKULAR FORTITUDE IS UNQUESTIONED!
So who knows what kind of magic we can conjure up with this here Dolphins blog with dick jokes this year. Probably none since all that shit was coincidence anyway. Either way, here you go. The FN Draft Day Hopes, Fears, And Completely Arbitrary Predictions:
What We Want: DRK and I have discussed this via e-mails, in between talking about Christina Hendricks' awesome knockers of course, and we've concluded that we would very much like the Fins to trade out of this spot. Several teams have been mentioned as possible trade partners. Either way, we need to hope someone really wants Dez Bryant or Earl Thomas or CJ Spiller or Jimmy Clausen so we can make a trade happen. Too many needs on this squad and not enough elite players after the 6th pick.
Who We Hope They Draft: Assuming we stay with the 12th pick, here's what we hope goes down. DRK and I have batted names around, but when it comes down to it, we hope the Fins rock everybody's shit and make a somewhat surprising selection by drafting Jason Pierre-Paul, DE South Florida. Bottom line, JPP is 6-4, 270 pounds of Fuck Your Shit Up Good And Proper freak of an athlete. You want a JT replacement? Here's your man. But there's more: He's explosive, quick, and can track down fuckers like a lion on a gazelle. He's raw as fuck, something of a project, but the potential is limitless. If we go with a pass rusher, I think we need to say fuck it and go with the one guy who can disrupt shit better than anyone at this spot. Yes, we have Cameron Wake. But JPP is versatile enough and athletic enough to fill the OLB spot. He's very good in space, a great tackler, and has fucking tree limbs for arms. Are Sergio Kindle and Derrick Morgan safer picks here? Yes. But fuck that. Let's draft this animal and unleash his ass on Mark Sanchez, Tom Brady and every other QB that dares try and complete a pass on us.
Who We Hope They Avoid: DRK is sick and fucking tired of people wanting us to take Dez Bryant here. I agree. I love Dez. But Brandon is our guy now. No need to get crazy. Draft our needs. Personally, I really hope we avoid Dan Williams. And not because J-Lo pretends to hope we draft him. I just don't think he's worth the 12th pick when you have guys like Cam Thomas and Torrell Troup that can be drafted later. Also, please stay away from CJ Spiller. I know a lot of you love him. But, no. He's undersized and remains a luxury pick. Plenty of other runners to take later on.
Who They Will Pick: DRK says, when all is said and done, the Fins will select Derrick Morgan, DE Georgia Tech. I wouldn't be completely opposed to this. But I'm just not all that fired up about this dude. It's a safe pick, though. As for me, I think the Fins will take Earl Thomas, S Texas. Last time I checked, we still need a free safety. And Mike Mayock likes this kid better than Eric Berry. Imagine a defensive backfield of VD, ET and Sean Smith for the next decade. Pretty fuckin badass.
Dark Horse Pick: Jermaine Gresham, TE Oklahoma. If the Dolphins manage to trade up, it wouldn't shock me if they took a chance on Gresham either with a high 20 or an early 2nd rounder. Gresham can go just about anywhere, because he's coming off a knee injury. But, once healthy, this dude is going to wreak havoc on defenses as a pass catching tight end. And if there's one thing we need on our offense, it's a pass catching tight end. And if there's one thing Parcells absolutely loves, it's stud tight ends.
Your thoughts, hopes, fears, predictions, confessions, fetishes in the comments.
