Existential Sparano looks to the Heavens for answers to his malaise
Well, how about that! We finally get to see the full team run around in shorts today for the first time this year. So many possible questions to be answered: What number will The Beast be wearing?? How do Ronnie Brown and Will Allen look back from their respective injuries?? Who's the mystery man they'll install in the FS spot?? How will Mike Nolan handle all the young guys he's got under his wing?? How cute will Captain Balls look and is he cuter or less cute than he was before? Which player will be having a Big Dick Day and show some chub through those aqua athletic shorts??? Will Pat White come within a parsec of hitting a receiver on the hands? It's almost like a "Lost" episode in that 'answers will be revealed' on every episode except that you only walk away even more confused by the mumbo jumbo those mescaline-fed writers concoct during their wild writers meetings featuring Danish foods, german shephards, fresh soil, various sexual toys, a mannequin and a life-sized cutout of the Taj Mahal. Who the fuck knows? I certainly didn't waste 6 years of my life watching that crap show!!!
Anyway, follow your respective local writers as of 10 a.m. EST via their various twitter outlets to stay updated!!! (I'd link to them but my job internet is an asshole and they rarely link to us anyway so WHATEVER) We'd be out there updating if we could but, like, ummm...we just don't wanna, ok? It has nothing to do with our lack of legitimate access to or recognition by the thing we love dearly!!!