Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Not to be nitpicky, buuuuut...

...I wouldn't necessarily call this the 'Wildcat'.  This video 'sploded onto the interwebs yesterday and today with everyone calling it "OH HEY LOOGIT! IT'S WALTER FUCKIN' PAYTON RUNNING THE WILDCAT IN NINETEEN-EIGHTY-FUCKIN'-FOUR!!!" but I beg to differ for a couple of reasons:

• I don't know nor can I see very well the offensive line personnel and, as we all know, the Wildcat entails an unbalanced line.
• There's no Ricky-style man in motion to be the option for the trigger man.

Granted, it's badass, it's Walter Payton dropping back to pass, he's running a sort of 'Spread' and it's all sorts of kookybadooky, krazy bone shit.  It's awesome to watch. 

But is it 'THE Wildcat'???  Nah, dag.

Weekender: It's All You Nation!

 

You've earned it...

It's Over!!!

Well - much like Eric Dolphy's phenomenal first album - I am out to lunch, people.  Deepest apologies to Perry (who wanted to add 2 more) and to Jessica (who added one) at the very end.  I've issued refunds for you already.  Had to have a hard deadline as I'm rather busy with real work for the rest of the day and only had a bit to do this.

For the 30 of you that made it in, GET READY.  Unfortunately, only a very small amount of group ticket seating is available for a game of this size and interest.  Therefore, our seating area is back-to-back Section 433, Rows 25 & 26, Seats 1-15 on each.  Feel free to peruse the stadium map and get an idea of the serious nosebleed we're all going to endure.  But FUCK IT WE'RE TOGETHER AND 30 STRONG.

Oh!  Right now, for the leg work and the extra $7 I paid in taxes, I'm totally calling one of those Seat 1's on the end there.  Sorry!

As a treat, get ready for the most seriously cock-exploding Weekender y'all have ever seen.  You deserve it after such a collectively kickass week!  Stay tuned...
 

You Have Half of Friday to Comply

As I type this it is 8:06 am (don't ask me why I have to be in to work at this ungodly hour) and FN faithful have exactly 4 hours left to purchase tix before the deal goes down.  High noon is a HARD deadline, people.  After that, you're on your own so if you were waiting for that sweet Friday skrilla in order to purchase the tix, then get a move on and send payment via the ever-enticing link at the top right of the page.

Make it happen.

 

No Comprendo

In an effort to take us away from the more serious stuff this week, let's chat about how Palm Beach Post's Ben Volin reported that our Fins Nation-a-palooza Extravaganza BIGGEST MOMENT OF OUR COLLECTIVE LIVES game will also be the first NFL game ever aired on spanish station Telemundo. 

The broadcast is a part of Hispanic Heritage Month and will be the first time Telemundo, the second-largest Spanish-language content producer in the world, provides its own coverage of a football game. Telemundo will use NBC’s feed of the game, but Jessi Losada, Rene Girardo and Edgar Lopez will call the game.

Si, es bueno!!!  The NFL loooooves to do stupid shit like this as if had to appeal to a larger audience and push their global brand.  Yea, not enough people know about this little, independent "NFL" thing.  Their revenue stream looks like what trickles out of my cock after the 4th jerk of the day.  Goy.  Whatever.  Fine.  Seeing as The Dude and I (and many of our readers) are also Spanish it's important for us to do our part for the NFL's special Hispanic Heritage endeavour and make it our job to insult as many Jets fans as possible - en español. 

Also, in the traditions of A La Cama Con Porcel, Caliente! and Mega Match Sensacional, let's hope that 'Jessi Losada' is a totally hot, smokin' Latina sideline reporter with a little Dolphins top on and big fuckin' mammers.

Let's Get Those Butts in Gear! (UPDATED!)

Because I am hard, you will not like me.

Let's do this, people!!!  Sign up for the tailgate via the link at the top right ASAP.  If you expressed serious interest when we proposed this idea, please go through with the purchase before NOON ON FRIDAY or - at the very least - tell us you're backing out like a sissy.  That way, we can scramble to find alternates or I can work with the ticket office to let us go with what we've got come high noon. 

I listed some names yesterday in a very McCarthyian manner.  I don't want to have to do that again and go on some witch hunt trying to track people down.  Don't make me sick Tom Ass on you!!!

So, please, either buy the tix or let us know what gives.  We are four crazy-fuckers-ready-to-go-into-battle-with-us-on-that-Sunday-night away from the minimum.

UPDATE:  Holy shit!  Vinbob puts us over with SIX tickets.  VINBOB HAS ELEPHANTITIS HUEVOS DE ORO!!!

Keep 'em coming, folks!

NOW WE'RE FUCKING AND NOT WALKING!
 

2010 FN Tailgate Extravaganza Update!!! (umm...UPDATED!)

 Now that we've gotten all the sullen shit out of the way, it's time to fucking ROCK.

I finally got a call from the Dolphins ticket office last week and we are good to go to buy the tickets.  The game we have gotten the okay for is none other thaaaaan....

(drumroll)

(longer drumroll)
 

(drumroll getting annoying TOO long....)

THE SUNDAY NIGHT 2010 HOME OPENER AGAINST THOSE NO GOOD, PIECE OF SHIT, TROGLODYTE, OVERRATED NEW YORK JESTS!!!!

Yes you, FN faithful, will be able to party with your very good FN friends and finally get to see how hideously ugly we all are in person.  We all look like Rocky Dennis. It's going to be a fucking blast!!!  Plus, I will buy TWO stadium beers for anyone that punches out a Jets fan OR finds the elusive Zombie Goth Jets Fan.  And I'm just going to put this out there:  you get to have sex with my future next girlfriend if you actually punch (or kill with a wooden stake to the heart) said Zombie Goth Jets Fan.  I mean, that's some bonus round shit right there and you have to be fairly compensated (regardless of whether said sex is consensual or not).

For those FN fans that are not able to attend this particular game, sorry guys.  It's just very, very, very hard to pass up a game like this.  I wish we could have gotten everyone together but we really tried to find the best game possible for everyone to attend.  We'll try again next year.

For those attending, please send via Paypal a payment of $52 to fntailgate2010-at-gmail-dot-com.  We need everyone's cash by Friday, June 25 @ noon.  I'm going to call the ticket office then and make the purchase.  I apologize for the short notice but if we wait any longer than that, we lose our spot and it'll be tougher to get us all together.  In addition, the sooner we get everyone's cash in, the better our seats will be. 

We'll probably put a Paypal link up tomorrow where we had the donations thingy today but for now the email address is there to work with.

LET'S DO THIS!!

IT'S REALLY TIME TO FUCK OR WALK!!

GO DOLPHINS!!!

UPDATE 1:  I'm putting the asking price at $54 (Note:  I just checked and these Pay Pal fuckers charge me $3.50 or so for every two tickets worth they put into my account) instead of the actual $52 because I noticed Paypal likes to take a little chunk for itself for its services and I don't want to have to end up shelling out the difference.  Sorry.  Hope that's not a deal breaker.  I hate dealing with other people's money. 

Paypal link to pay for your tix is at the top righthand of the page. Thanks.

UPDATE 2:  Some folks are having issues using the 'Buy It Now' button as-is so I think we're going to go with the 'Donations' button we used before since that seemed to work easier.  Just put the full amount in there for as many tix as you want and I'll make note of it on our master spreadsheet.  The Dude should be around shortly to fix this in the code and have the correct button linked.  I hate dealing with this!!!  Goy.

Thank You

Thank you all so much.

The Dude and I feel so much honor, respect, love and humility for your kind donations.  We have already reached our goal.

A big thank you and warm Bob Kuechenberg-hug to all of you out there that contributed and much appreciation to everyone, even if you were unable to contribute for whatever reason.  We love you all and we cannot tell you how much joy and inspiration this little, dumb dickjoke blog gives to The Dude and I.  You readers are the gasoline that makes this engine go go go and without you providing your awesome insight, intellect and input this thing wouldn't exist at all.  Our commitment to you is to make this site even better in the years to come:  BIGGER tits, BIGGER dickjokes and BIGGER ignorant armchair QB 'hard' analysis!!!

So thanks again and on with the show...

.....aaaand WE'RE BACK! (Updated)

That's right. After a whole week of coming here and seeing nothing but a shitty GoDaddy page, the FN is BACK. And it's BACK with a vengeance! And by "vengeance" we mean "all angry and shit."

So, what the fuck happened?

Well, for those of you who aren't techno nerds that understand URL domain registrar lingo, I'll put it this way: GoDaddy.com is a giant hunk of money-sucking shit. And I can safely say that because A.) I'm right and B.) they happily take my money. So fuck them with Danica Patrick's racing helmet.

Basically, we lost the domain FinsNation.com. And when I say "lost it," I don't mean in the sense that there was a glitch or a malfunction in the servers and we were blacked out. I mean that we literally lost it. Or, more to the point, GoDaddy lost it. And by "GoDaddy lost it", we mean they took our domain and sold it to another person.

And this person, incidentally, lives in the UK. So, for a while there, there was a very excellent chance you would've had to come here to read about the Dolphins with polite dick jokes and served tea and crumpets while making small talk about the Queen. 

But, after some smooth negotiating with -- we'll call him Mr. F -- DRK and I got the domain back. And here we are. And we will never lose you again. Never again, you hear me?! NEVER AGAIN!

Please do not blame Mr. F in the comments. Dude is innocent here. This is all Danica's fault. She choked away our domain pretty much like she chokes away all her her races. And then she ran off in a hissy fit and blamed her fans.

Anyway... here's where you come in. Or not. It's really your choice.

AND here's where shit gets a bit delicate. 

Bottom line... we need your help, Nation. DRK and I had to pay a pretty penny to get FinsNation.com back (ask us in the comments, and we'll let you know). We paid less than what Mr. F had to pay for it. But we paid. And we're asking for you all to help us recoup our losses. In the form of a donation. And we mean, whatever you can give. A dollar, five. Whatever you can find in your hearts to give, because what Jesus gives you in return is priceless.

Shitballs, this feels weird. And we're very sorry this happened. But we wanted to keep FinsNation going. And judging from all the e-mails and Facebook and Twitter comments, we see that we were missed and beloved. So now we're asking to show your love in the form of a check. HOLY GOAT TITS THIS FEELS AWKWARD. But it is what it is. We had no choice but to buy back the domain, and now we need your help. And in that way, this thing will really be OURS. Which means when DRK and I are slow to post, you can send us angry e-mails and say nasty things about our Moms because you're basically like our boss.

Anyway.... that's what happened. 

What we've done is posted a donations page on the sidebar (top right of this here page) where you can help. It will be via Paypal. And we thank you in advance as well as apologize for this shit. Sorry.

Thanks for all the love.

(Update: See post above this one)

-

PS: DRK will be by shortly with an update on the tailgate festivities. MORE MONEY! YAY!!!!

Brandon Marshall Is Number 19.... FOREVER!

Dolphins OTAs were underway this morning. And Brandon Marshall finally practiced with the first-teamers. He also was wearing number 19 again. We've all been wondering when Brandon was going to announce what number he would settle on. Oh hey, guess what?

"Brandon Marshal says.... that 19 is his final number"

(via Ethan Skolnick's twitter)

Mike Berardino tells us the reason Marshall went with 19:

"Brandon Marshall says number 19 is permanent. Said he almost picked 19 in denver, cousin wanted him to"

His cousin??? That's the reason? That's the reason The Beast is tempting fate by wearing the number of one of the biggest clusterfuck draft picks in Miami Dolphins history? 

That's pretty much exactly like that guy that says "What I liked most about ITT Tech was the fact that..... I liked everything about ITT Tech!" What kind of bullshit answer is that? I need specifics, professor dickweed! How else am I supposed to decide where to develop the skills and knowledge to pursue the many career opportunities in today's fastest growing fields???