Sorry. It's just that I hate this look. But Gisele won't let me change it.
Dude, you're the pride of Boston and you wear a goddamn Yankees cap? Really? I don't think there's been that big a collection of bewildered and dejected New England gingers since they ran out of fuckin potatoes back in the day. But it was hilarious, man. I'm not gonna lie. I even peed a little laughing so hard.
Holy asscannons, Tom! Talk about a douche avalanche falling down Douche Mountain and burying a bunch of douche mountain climbers and their douche sherpas! The only people who can pull off a newsboy hat are hip hop artists and fuckin Andy Capp. Hip hop artists are black. So guess who you are in that little scenario, Chinmples?
You going whaling, motherfucker? I half expected fuckin Queequeg to show up and hand you a fuckin harpoon. Plus, it was like 80 degrees that day. The fuck are you doing wearing a sailor cap in the middle of summer?
Look, you've obviously just always over-thought your whole sex-symbol thing and have looked and dressed like they do in fucking Dolce & Cabana ads. Instead, just be yourself. You're a Bay area guy. Just jeans, a t-shirt and a regular haircut should do it. Stop it with the London Fog bullshit, man!
[Later that day...]