Well, we have an absolutely huge game going into the bye week tonight where a little bit of momentum could make the next two weeks without Dolphins football feel a bit more tolerable. We always play the Pats well at home and tonight should be no exception under the lights, particulary with a floundering Pats defense that is ranked 24th against the run and 25th against the pass. If there was ever an opportunity for a league-wide, eye-opening fuckin' BEATDOWN, it's tonight against these assholes.
Keys:
- I'm going to walk over to St. Patrick's Cathedral during my lunch break and light a candle for whoever needs to cover the tight end in our defense. Maybe divine intervention will help because it is such a huge, glaring hole that has existed for well over 2 years now (at least) that I cannot fucking fathom how we have not compensated for this weakness. Yeremiah Bell, Barbie Carpenter, Sean Smith and whoever the fuck else needs to step up their game. These dicknoses have 2 pretty damn good rookie TEs. The only guy that seems capable of covering the TE is fucking Karlos Dansby and, last I checked, we only have ONE of that guy.
- Welkah vs. whoever's in the slot. Both Sapp and Sean Smith need to be on their toes tonight because that fucking TRAITOR (yes, I know WE traded HIM but still) is a goddamn miracle fairy from the Land of Rapidly Healing Knees. I don't know how the fuck that little elf managed to get so spry, so quickly but it pisses me off and we need to squash him.
- Vontae vs Randy Moss: Moss is going to get his catches so we just need to limit him as well. VD owned his ass in the game at home last year and we need him to be as good as he was that day. More post big-play/interception, Jesus Christ pose screams into the night air!! (*injury*)
- The running game needs to get back in gear. Yes, the Pats secondary is as weak as Mark Sanchez's bloody underwear alibi. Yes, Henne's prior big game before last week was the game against the Pats at home last year. But we need to get this running game going. Running the football is supposed to be our bread and butter and it hasn't done shit. Also, Ronnie Brown is on my fantasy team so PRODUCE, YOU DICK!
- With that in mind, the interior line vs Vince Wilfork. Beat that fat fucker down. Then sign him in the offseason and make him ours! Yay!
- Exploit the Pats secondary. The Beast can add to his burgeoning legacy by sticking a bag of 'fuck you' angry live crabs in Sterling Sharpe's mouth. He should have a big game tonight - as should the rest of the receiving corps. Honestly, the offense should have well over 400 fucking yards. There's no excuse.
- Hey kickass defense from first 2 games, ummm...you guys wanna come back to life again tonight? That would be just dandy. kthxbai
- Hit Brady hard and often. If we're lucky we can kill him and then try the unenviable task of killing whatever that fucking thing is on his head.
- There's only two reasons we should see the Wildcat tonight: 1) It's 1st and Goal from the 1 yard line; 2) All the other QBs on our roster are mysteriously and simultaneously felled by poison darts at kickoff. Even then, MAYBE it still shouldn't be used if Situation #2 happens.
Prediction: Dolphins 31 - Pats 10. Offense continues our badass ways from last week and the defense stiffens up like a long, black Lexington Steele-sized cock right into Tawwmy Brady and that ridiculous haircut of his. Right in his stupid fucking face! Fuck Brady, fuck the Pats, fuck all of New England and their thinly veiled racism. This is their comeuppance.
GO DOLPHINS!
