Holy fuckbuckets has a win ever felt this shitty before?
Sure, a win is always fantastic. But must it always be followed with utter fucking calamity?
If you're the Miami Dolphins, the answer is fuck and yes. Always and forever.
Captain Balls lasted a whole two plays before his 89-year old lady arm turned to dust.
Enter Chad Henne.
Then, just as The Robot was ready to write his story of redemption and etch his name in the annals of great moments in Dolphins history, he gets his knee jacked up.
But Tyler Thigpen (HORSECOCKS!) came in and did a stellar job keeping us in the lead, and eventually closing shit out for us. On the other side, the defense was the balls. They knocked Kerry Collins out, forced Vince Young to fumble, and Vontae Davis shut down Randy Moss. Again. Meanwhile, Brandon Marshall is just about ready to kenpo sidekick someone in the nutsack until they vomit their own spleen if they don't start throwing it to him more often. But who can blame the guy? That's fire!
Win? Win!
First home victory? First home victory!
Against a quality opponent, no less!
And then... not even ten fuckstain minutes afterwards, we hear reports that Pennington and Henne could be done, Jake Long could be out for the season with a dislocated shoulder, and Cameron Wake injured his hip.
But hey. Good news. The Wildcat is back!
It's Victory Monday with a side of shit salad. Enjoy everyone!
