Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

NFL Network Breaks It Down

With all due respect to Dan Henning, he really has been a useless old ballsack of an offensive coordinator this season. What? I said with all due respect.

But the 98-yard drive by the Fins offense on Sunday was pretty fantastic. And what's gotten lost in the whole thing is that it was 98 fucking yards! Seriously, if we had gone 98 yards and settled for another goddamn field goal, I would have set my face on fire. 

Anyway, the NFL Network breaks down the drive in their Mercedes Benz We Break Down Film And Bore Your Dick Off! segment (or whatever the fuck it's called.). Video here.

The capper, of course, was Brian Hartline's end around, which gave us an awesome play that garnered 30 yards and put us in great position to score, but also now gives Dan Henning an excuse to run this shit again at the worst possible moment in a future game.

So I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Go Brian! Go! Go! Go! Yesss!!! 30 yard gain to the Bengals' 19 yard line! Woo-hoo!! Way to ruin everything, dick!"

And Now a Picture of Karlos Dansby Knocking The F-ck Out of Chad Ochocinco

For no other reason than it's just pure unadulterated awesome.

And also because Brian Biggane's picture from the previous post started talking to me and telling me to stab people in the face. That can't be good.

Also... bodog.com has our odds at landing Randy Moss at 13/2. We won't really know until about 4 AM tomorrow. LET'S ALL STAY UP TOGETHER AND WAIT!

Brian Biggane and His Pornstache Have Had Enough of the Dolphins Mistakes Already

As we all wait with bated breath of the news that Randy Moss won't be coming to the Dolphins, The Palm Beach Post's Brian Biggane talks about how the Fins need to start getting their shit together this week.

He makes some great points, like how Anthony Fasano and Brian Hartline have to stop not catching footballs. He also says we need to get our running game going. 

But my favorite part of the post is when he goes after Dan Henning and his lack of getting the ball to Brandon Marshall:

Marshall has great hands and his 6-foot-4 frame gives him an advantage over almost every defensive back in going up for balls. The one thing Henning can’t ever settle for is having the Dolphins’ most dynamic offensive weapon being turned into a decoy.

It's the most obvious fucking thing in the world! Aside from how awesome Brian Biggane's mustache is, of course. But Jesus we need to get Marshall the ball more often. This guy was a monster in Denver. But leave it to the Dolphins to completely emasculate him and turn him into fucking Oronde Gadsnen (no offense to Oronde, but that's not exactly what we signed up for with Marshall). GET HIM THE BALL!

This is why I'm lukewarm about the Moss thing. Even if by the off-chance he falls past waivers into our laps, we have Dan Henning and Tony Sparano waiting with open arms to have him and Marshall run random routes while they call a draw play to Lousaka Polite on 3rd and 8 from the opponent's 17 yard line.

Might as well talk about it...

Alright. So you know by now that the Vikings have waived Randy Moss. Because he was a detriment to the team. As opposed to Tinydick McOldpants. But whatever. Not my team. Don't give a shit.

The obvious question now is... do the Dolphins go get him?

Should the Dolphins go get him?

Dave Hyde thinks so. He thinks Moss would help The Robot's development, and help free up The Beast so he can go all beastly on secondaries. He also thinks Moss would end up being the last piece for us to make a playoff push this season.

Me? I say, meh why the fuck not. Moss isn't the same guy he used to be. And he's kind of a dick. But he still has some gas left in the tank. And we all know he plays when properly motivated (ie: angry). He'd be the deep threat we desperately need. He'd also have another shot at facing the Patriots and Jets. And, he has a home down here. So there's that.

But, entertaining as it would be, it's highly unlikely to happen. The Dolphins just don't suck bad enough to be able to land Moss. And there's very little likelihood he gets past the 17 or 18 other teams that are ranked better than the Fins in the waiver rankings. WE CAN'T EVEN SUCK PROPERLY!

Also, this regime just doesn't seem like it would go after Moss anyway. These are the same people that probably passed on Dez Bryant because his mom may have been a whore.

But that shouldn't stop us from debating it! So, have at it in the comments. Moss or no Moss?

Blog fight!

"I'm just here for the gasoline"

4-0 bitches. 4-0 on the road. That's pretty fucking badass when you think about it.

Our boys have been ironclad on the road, winning at Buffalo, at Minnesota, at Green Bay and now at Cincinnati.

Fucking.

Badass.

Sure we can't win at home. But who the hell is gonna win in a stadium where the focus is everything but football? Night clubs! Orange carpets! J-Lo's disproportionately huge mutant-ass! FEEENZ OP!!

Screw that. Give us every game on the road, I say. No distractions. No sideshows. And, best of all, our guys ruining the day of thousands of the other team's faithful in attendance. Haha. Fuck those people!

The biggest non-surprise of yesterday's win over the Bengals was that the offense shit the bed again in the red zone.

I'm all fluttering hearts for Dan Carpenter and his gamma ray dipped foot. But Jesus. Five field goals? Again?

And can Tony Sparano stop celebrating like we won the goddamn Super Bowl every time DC$ makes a field goal? Shit's embarrassing. Sure, five field goals will beat a team that is slightly more inept than we are (i.e. the Bengals). But that shit won't fly against the big boys (i.e. the Steelers, bullshit calls by the refs not withstanding).

And why the fuck does Brian Hartline always act like Chad Henne just threw him a rabid badger? CATCH THE BALL, shitface!

Alright... I'm done shitting on everything.

We won. And that's all that matters. 

Onto Victory Monday where we'll be showing much love to Vontae Davis, Sean Smith and Dan Carpenter's foot. High-five, Dan Carpenter's foot!