So apparently, the Dolphins official blog/internet radio/"fan site" The Finsiders has nicknamed Cameron Wake “Mr. Sack.”
And they seem to be pushing the nickname with great pride and aplomb.
Mere words cannot adequately convey the deep, profound atrociousness that is the nickname “Mr. Sack.”
A nickname is supposed to suggest the players’ kick-assiness (or shittiness, depending on who we’re talking about) by also accentuating the players’ specific hardcore traits in an understated, playful, yet totally badass way. Adrian Peterson is called All Day. Calvin Johnson is Megatron. Brandon Marshall, The Beast. Three totally kick-ass nicknames that capture the total kick-assery that are those players.
Mr. Sack? For a hardcore quarterback mauling machine like Cameron Wake? It’s beyond lame. And besides that, it’s lazy. We call him Mr. Sack because he’s really good at tackling the quarterback, you see.
Why not call Chad Henne Mister Football Thrower?
Chad Henne is The Robot because robots are generally scary unfeeling killing machines (just like Chad Henne!). We called Chad Pennington Captain Balls during his come-back season, because the term “balls” conveys toughness and fearlessness.
The term “sack” conveys hanging testicles. Plain and simple. There’s just no getting around it.
Why not call him Mr. Gonads? Or Mr. Nards. Or Nardy.
Or how about The Scrotum! Hey, look at this, The Scrotum! has been nominated for AFC defensive player of the week! You're such an awesome player, The Scrotum!
Dumb.
Anyway, we say let The Finsiders handle the game-film breakdown and offensive line analysis (and the subtle ripping off of other blogs’ names) and let us handle the nicknames.
Thanks to commenter Jessie Z! for the tip
