Every two weeks or so, The Dude and I get a quick chance to speak with OC Dan Henning after the weekly media availability for offensive and defensive coordinators. Henning is known for his colorful personality and our in-depth questionnaire offers rare insight into the man behind the madness. Let's see what that old, crazy coot had to say this week!
(On if he's worried about job security)
Let me tell you something, ok? When John D. Rockefeller of Standard Oil himself storms into your office as a young prospecter, drinks a gallon of Snake Oil and then launches into the most foul-mouthed, demonspeak you can ever imagine that little bit of fear dissipates outta ya. And I was already 38 at the time, so you can imagine I could care less about job security. I'm like George Burns in 'Oh God. You Devil!'. I got a horse right here his name is GO FUCK YOURSELF.
(On the diminishing returns we're seeing offensively)
Most of the time during games lately, I've been thinking about Mae West. What a set of knockers on that philly. Not to mention - what's her name - Sophia Loren? Jesus. And remember Queen Elizabeth?? Man, you could get a calendar together with those three broads, Former First Lady Barbara Bush, Rue Mclanahan, and Olivia Dukakis and ole' Henning right here would be firin' up that Single Wing - if ya get my drift. Might even get something out of this ole' Johnson other than a small puff of smoke. Maybe a droplet of jizz! A DROPLET OF OLD MAN JIZZ! THE SPERM ARE STILL-BORN!!
(On abandoning the run early in games)
WE didn't abandon the run, the run abandoned US! And since we're near Thanksgiving and all and half of you look like Injuns anyway: WE didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock LANDED ON US! Also, listen up: You can't always get what ya want...but if you try sometimes, you get what ya need. Or if you can't have Mr. Right, how about Mr. Right Now??? Or I like my women like I like my whisky - on the rocks. Or is it...I like my rocks like I like my women - whisky? Aww hell. The point is ask not what your offense can do for you but what YOU can do for your offense. Ya get me? Have you seen this Polite fellow? MAN, he's a secret weapon. Chicken...beer bottles..telephones...dictionaries...reefer...razors...soap...helicopters...chainsaws....mercantilism...
/ blank stares all around
// Henning takes off his clothes while mumbling incoherent words
/// burns them
//// Walks naked out of press room and onto practice field smiling
Thanks, Dan Henning!