- I'm a born leader - IT'S NOT LIKE THERE WERE A TON OF OPTIONS DURING THE CHALCOLITHIC ERA!! THERE WAS HARDLY ANYONE ELSE AROUND!!!
- I'm elusive - YOU EVER TRY RUNNING AWAY FROM A WOOLY MAMMOTH IN -30 BELOW TEMPERATURES??? LAMARR WOODLEY IN A JANUARY PLAYOFF GAME WOULD SEEM LIKE A WALK IN THE PARK COMPARED TO THAT, I ASSURE YOU!
- I'm tough - HAVE YOU SEEN MY GLAZED EXTERIOR REMINISCENT OF A CHRISTMAS DAY CUBAN PORK ROAST MIXED WITH CARAMEL BATTER MARINATED FOR, OOOH, 3 MILLION YEARS?!?!?!
- I don't have a drug problem - WHY? CUZ I DON'T EVEN HAVE A NOSE, YOU HOMO SAPIEN SAPIEN BIMBOS! DUUUH! (to use a parlance of your era)
The only thing I can't vouch for is my mother's whoring....it's the oldest profession, you know!! Yoooouuu try raising 15 Otzis on a meager income of 10 cowrie shells and a few sabretooth teeth a month, Mother Teresa!!!"