With all this news of failed Apocalyptic raptures and incredibly unfortunate weather patterns strewn all across this truly great land of ours (and nearly affecting some of our beloved readers), my hope is that 32 individual Titanic-dicked tornadoes touch down (haha..'touch' 'down'..that's a funny word) wherever you may be. I hope that said tornadoes devastate nothing in their path but come STRAIGHT for your penises. I hope the tornado then inverts, sucking your penis clean off first while you watch it twist away in 250mph winds. Then as you lose consciousness and wonder in amazement that this could physically ('physics', that is) be happening, said tornado rips every limb off your body on its way to dropping you off in the Atacama Desert. There, presumably vultures and other animals of prey will pick away at your decaying torsos until there is nothing left but your shitty, good-for-nothing skeleton.