The scene: World famous Criteria Studios in Miami, Florida. Ryan Mallett enters a studio wearing XXXXL-sized ENYCE gear from head to toe. Grammy Award-winning producer Dr. Dre sits in front of a multi-million dollar recording console and setup.
Yo, Yo, yoooo...what up, Dre? You think you could hook up Ry Mizzy wit sum ill-azzz beats fo' me to spit mah flow on??
Huh? No. Who are you and why are you talking like that, man?
Yooo, man...iz me...RY MIZZY!!! The illest and greatest white boy rapper/coked up QB in da hizzztory of da NFL, my ni...I mean...yo...
Sigh. Okay. Whatever. If you have the money, I guess I could record whatever the fuck it is you think you're about to do. Shouldn't take too long for you to figure out what a WANGSTA you are.
/ excitedly pounds fist in to palm several times like a meth addict
Yea, yea, yea..yo. Dats what I'm sayin'. I wanna write some ill flow about how those muthafuckin' Dolphins dissed me, yo!! I got all the lyrics in mah head and da track's called 'PAYBACK'.
Ummm...sure..whatever, kid. Get into the vocal booth and let's see what embarassing nonsense comes out over your mouth to a simple beat.
/ plays loop of 50 Cent's 'In Da Club'
/ does long rail of cocaine
// does whippit
/// does amyl nitrate
//// downs a 1/4th of a bottle of tequila
///// laughs weird, evil WANGSTA laugh
///// takes off shirt revealing Juggalo tattoo
This is Ry Mizzy
Da king of da hizzy
The Dolphins be so mad cuz they all kinda missed me
Watch me on the bench ridin' pine for a decade,
Headset not runnin' plays, sippin' Popov and Kool-Aid,
Never playin' a game in da NFL and shit cuz I'm all, like, fucked up and shitandmuthafuckinDolphinsgonnawishtheycouldahadmeandI'msooofuckedupsonIneedmorecokeandpillsandweedand..
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! STOP DA MUSIC!
Yo, you dumb WANGSTA ass muthafucka, what the fuck are you talkin' bout?
/ vomits again
// stumbles around in vocal booth
YO! DAT'S ME, DRE! DAT'S MAH SHIT! MUTHAFUCKIN' DOLPHINS DIDN'T DRAFT MEEEE!!! AND THEY SAID THEY WOULD!!! (crying, sniffling, coke-laced boogers everywhere)
AND...AND...THOSE MUTHAFUCKAS ARE GONNA PAY FOR THIS, YO!!! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I'M RY MIZZY...I'M RYYYYY MIZZ-HEEEHEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
/ hits meth pipe
// falls to ground crying
/ shakes head while getting up to leave studio
Well, he DID pay for the studio time. Just leave him there...dumbass, WANGSTA ass drug addict that will never see the field....that's the last time I work with white boys....