Your Miami Dolphins - who invested a 2nd-round pick and some formidable cash on running backs - have signed Larry Johnson for the veteran minimum. Johnson, 32, was originally drafted by the Chiefs out of Penn State (oh, you Penn State running backs...) and was their 'star' back for all of 2 seasons or so. He was famously featured on Hard Knocks holding out from Chiefs camp for a contract that ultimately yielded him 'highest paid running back in the NFL' status. He thanked the Chiefs faithful in return by rushing for 559 yards and 3 rushing TDs, surely causing severe angina in thousands of fantasy owners across this great land of ours.
Also, he kinda looks and acts like a fucking d-bag. Example (from Wikipedia):
His third arrest for assault came on February 24, 2008, after allegedly pushing a woman's head at a nightclub that night. On October 10, 2008, Johnson was arrested for the fourth time and charged with one count of non-aggravated assault for allegedly spitting a drink in a woman's face at a Kansas City nightclub on October 11. Johnson tried to flee the scene but police officers tackled him.
Sounds like a total sweetheart. Should mix in perfectly with our team of girl scout cookie distributors and gentleman who will gladly take off their coat to have a lady of good stock gracefully, harmlessly tip-toe across a puddle of water.
If you hear a deafening 'meh' in the next few minutes, it's probably coming from a small actually fairly sizeable apartment in Aventura or a New York City office cubicle. Just a heads up.