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So you thought Chad Henne was just some robot who threw tons of interceptions and looked at his receivers for an entire route, with no human emotion or feelings whatsoever? WRONG!
Turns out The Robot has feelings. Well at least he tries to convey his feelings as best as a robot from the 50s can. All it took was angry Dolphins fans chanting for him to be replaced by another shitty quarterback to get him to open up:
“I’m human. Deep down inside it does hurt.”
He also said:
"It’s tough to be a quarterback."
Holy shit, even when he's refreshingly honest, HE STILL SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING ROBOT!
"Deep down inside it does hurt" and "It's tough to be a quarterback" sounds like something he picked up from an after school special about a high school kid who plays quarterback and gets molested in the locker room by the coach, and decided this is how all humans talk.
It's good to see him be honest though. And you kinda feel for the guy. And you're all, "Damn... I'm totally rooting for this guy now!" Then every offensive possession results in a three and out or a back breaking interception and that's the end of that shit.
But, hey, nice effort by Henne there to relate to the humans who hate him so. He's a misunderstood robot who walks away from media sessions as the theme song from the Incredible Hulk television show plays in the background.
But Henne will go on. Searching for that one thing that eludes him. Presumably a heart. Or at least for a program that can fix his fucking check down 100% of the time function already.
We here at FinsNation are the sentimental sort.
So it was only fitting we'd give a quick 'thank you' to Ronnie Brown, a fan favorite and one of my favorite Dolphins ever. His winning smile, his Black Thunder-y awesomeness, his incredible kickassy performance in the 'Wildcat game' against the Pats...man, I loved him. Always solid for 4-5 ypc when healthy, I just liked the kid.
So we wish you a fond farewell and mucho Dolphins cariño as you move on to greener pastures. Kinda feels like a guy that got on one of the last remaining life boats on the Titanic, don't it, Ronnie? Is it suddenly warmer and safer where you're sitting?
Good luck*
*until we play you this year
The Dolphins held their first practice under the lights last night. And Chad Henne was booed by the Fins faithful every time he underthrew a pass, overthrew a pass, or threw an interception, which was pretty much every time he threw the ball.
The fans in attendance then started a "We Want Orton!" chant.
Henne was booed a couple of times following poor throws. But after rookie OLB Jonathan Freeny deflected a pass intended for an open Anthony Fasano the fans booed louder, then chanted "We Want [Kyle] Orton," referring to the Denver quarterback the Dolphins tried to trade for.
The good news is it was just the first real practice of the season. The bad news is Chad Henne is now on year three of this shit.
According to his foundation facebook page, Jason Taylor is returning to the Miami Dolphins after spending a season in the eternal shithole that is New Jersey.
So unless someone hacked his account, or Jason Taylor is a giant cuntbag who wants to fuck with everyone's emotions, it looks like 99 is coming back home:
We are very excited to share with all of you that Jason has made his decision regarding where he is playing for the upcoming 2011 season. Jason is coming home to MIAMI and will once again proudly wear the aqua and orange! He hasn’t told anyone yet, so let’s just keep this between us! Shhh!
"Let's just keep this between us! Shhh!" LOLZ... you're so silly, Jason Taylor Foundation facebook page.
I know a lot of Fins fans will be all pissy about this. Mainly because sports fans can be irrational, unforgiving poop chuckers. Also because our front office is run by a chimp with a yo-yo.
But, hey, we need pass rushers on this team. And JT can still sack the shit out of quarterbacks. And there's no way that JT's career should end anywhere else other than in a Dolphins uniform. Also, he's an expert in stabbing Tom Brady in the face with his giant dong. Also, he gets all the ladies excited and moist, so there's that.
There's also this: I, unlike most of you, never turned on JT or called him any bad names, even while he played for the enemy. A general rule of thumb I have is 'never burn any bridges with dudes who can pummel me into a fine powder.' This is mainly because I am a giant pussy. Call me, ladies!
