Ay Dios mio...
Fans are upset. Fans are fighting players. Players are fighting each other. Fans are fighting media (well, Omar Kelly anyway). Brother vs brother. Friend vs friend. Punching your dad in the face for making you a Dolphins fan. It's bonkers out there! We're, what, 1-11 at home over the last 12 games played there? Worst defense in the NFL?? Our QB thinks he's fucking Kordell Stewart all of a sudden (side note: right after he did that total slide-for-a-first-down FAIL against the Texans, the image of him putting his hand to the top of his head because of the 'ouchie' it caused made me chuckle)? Coño! Ahora si se jodio la bicicleta!!! Translation? Things are fucking bad, meng. GOY fried rice with extra GOY sauce, please! No, no...please bring me the large GOY ribs appetizer and make sure the chicken chow GOY is extra spicy!!!
And with that, we travel to Cleveland.
The Keys:
- FUCK YOU! STOP ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH WITH THIS GODDAMN BULLSHIT STOP IT FOR FUCKSAKE PLEASE ACT LIKE YOUR GODDAMN SHITTILY DONE JOBS ARE ON THE LINE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP IT!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUUUUUCKS!!!
- Stop that anabolic freight train Peyton Hillis. I KNOW! I'm crazy!! Try and stop the opposing teams running back from getting into the second level?!?! A-hahahahaha..Yea! And I'm Cindy Laaauuuper!
- So we're not playing at home and somehow that increases our odds of winning this game. I AM COMPLETELY CONVINCED THAT OUR HEAD COACH HAS THE MINDS AND HEARTS OF OUR ENTIRE 53 MAN ROSTER!!! NO DOUBT HERE!
- Do NOT turn Colt McCoy into Tom Fucking Brady (even though I am starting him in my pay league this week - shows the faith I have in these turtlefuckers).
- LEARN TO PLAY DEFENSE.
- Looks like Vontae is out sooo, I don't know, maybe try Will Fucking Allen over there instead of Nolan 'There Are A Million Tsetse Flies Buzzing Around My Head So I Will Flail My Arms At Them Uselessly' Carroll? We brought #25 back for a reason, right?
- Watch some film of a Saints game with Reggie Bush in it from, say, 2006-2010. FOLLOW WHAT THEY DID, YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES.
- WIN THE FUCKING GAME
I'm not even giving a prediction for this game. It's Game 3 of the season and these assholes are stripping me of my love for this team and this game. I'm just hoping the fucking plane doesn't crash at this point...
Go Assholes.
