Technorati Tags: key to the game, late posts, miami dolphins, she's a former Texans cheerleader or so the internet told me, sorry I took the day off from work yesterday and spent it drinking wine in Central Park with a lovely lady like a total gayface
We close out Dan Marino Day with the last win/last comeback of his career.
"Dan Marino started off the afternoon with one thing to prove: That he was still Dan Marino."
Even in the twighlight of his playing time, the guy was pure unadulterated badass. The Seahawks are completely helpless here as TRAOG slaughters their defense in a frenzy of fire and vengeance.
He was too old, they thought.
He was on his way out.
Dan Marino didn't get that memo.
He single-handedly carved up Seattle's secondary in their own stadium, frustrating the Seahawks fans and showing why he is, in fact, The Right Arm of God, then and forever.
Coming back in the fourth quarter on the road in the playoffs isn't exactly like wrestling a dead cat. Shit takes steel nerves, brass balls, and the uncanny ability to totally cockpunch the opponent with a single bound and rip his still beating heart from his chest cavity.
Anyway, bask in the glory of awesome when we ALWAYS had a fucking chance, nation.
And Happy Birthday to the Greatest.
Also, only Dan Marino gets called for intentional grounding on a fucking 40 yard pass.
I've never actually seen the Marino section of the NFL 100 Greatest Players special that came out last year, because the mere fact that he's ranked 25th (25TH!!!!!!!!!!!) is the biggest crock of shit ever perpetrated in the history of everything. The dipshits who decide these rankings need to be punched repeatedly in the balls by one of them boxing kangaroos.
The whole "greatest passer ever" line is a giant mound of badger shit too. What does a QB do? He fucking PASSES the ball. You fucking shitsticks. Greatest passer ever = Greatest QB ever. Dickholes.
No one threw the ball like him.
No one moved in the pocket like him.
No one won like him.
And he did it all with, frankly, some pretty goddamn shitty teammates.
Drew Brees? Brett Favre? Tom Brady? All ranked ahead of Dan Marino? FUCKING HORSEASS!
How is that even fucking possible? How does that shit happen? How is it even debatable?
Dan Marino revolutionized the position and won inspite of his shitty teams. And in his day, you didn't have all these rules where a cornerback even so much looks at a receiver, he gets flagged. He had to throw the perfect pass to beat the corners drapped all over his receivers. And he did it better than anybody. He did it so many times, in fact, he re-wrote the fucking record book (again, without the aid of bullshit offense-friendly rules).
Marino obliterated the record book without the aid of pussy rules or pain killers (I'm looking right at you, Oldman Cockshots!). He did it before the days of the 6'12 mutant-sized wide receiver, before the rule changes and he did it better than anyone. ANYONE!
He's the perfect quarterback. And had it not been for some shitty front office moves that never got him the right teammates throughout his career (fuck you with a hedge trimmer, Sammie Smith!), the guy would have won several Super Bowls. And then he'd be considered the undisputed greatest ever.
But because individual greatness is somehow decided by a bunch of other assholes who play other positions and some really good luck, the cockbreaths who decide these things fucked him with #25.
I hope they all catch a disease where their hands turn into shit. Then people will be all, "You got shit for hands, man!"
Fuck you, Shithands!
The first half of this video is home movies of Marino throwing during something called Dolphins Family Day.
The second half of this video is a news reel about the quarterback position battle between David Woodley and some rookie named Dan Marino.
The entire video is all Awesome 80s! Mullets! Perms! Short-shorts! Shitty ball caps! You bet!
And holy fuck, the fans were right on the sidelines with nothing to protect them from an errant pass or a Clydesdale-like clomping Joe Rose!
Pretty neat little time capsule to look at. It's interesting to see how even in 1983, good training camp performances didn't mean dick ("Woodley was very sharp in the seven-on-seven drills yesterday!"). Also, the interview with Woodely at the end is pretty neat considering how shit went down.
"Look at the crowd around David Woodley! They had the blitz on him all afternoon! Hope he didn't have to write so much, he'd damage that right arm."
Yea, it'd be a real shame if Dave got hurt and couldn't play quarterback any more. I don't know about that Dan Marino from Pitt. No one wants his autograph. Still. Gotta remain positive. I mean if they just gave him a chance, well I bet he'd be just terrific!
Here are a couple of press clippings on the young The Right Arm of God that brings us back to just how much awesome he was filled with, and how our Dolphins were once the most feared team in all the land:
If you feel the earth tremble beneath your feet and the heavens roar above while watching this, fear not.
It's only the Universe paying tribute to The Right Arm of God.
The Dolphins COCKPUNCHED! Benny Sapp yesterday in a move designed to use the maligned Sapp as the example whose drawn-and-quartered corpse they can hang up in the Davie town square. Gotta love the methods of madness, secrecy, and Third Reich-ian means by which our Front Office conducts 'business'. Then just as quickly, they turned around and re-signed Will Allen. While most of us would consider this an upgrade and were rather surprised when Sapp was kept over Allen in the first place, doesn't it beg a couple of questions?
Is Allen REALLY going to make all that much of a difference? Yea, Sapp got burned on that 99 (and a half) yarder but Reshad Jones also took a terrible angle and failed to help over the top. Also, if I remember correctly, Tom Brady was able to pull out his iPad and learn the entire Chinese language with all the time he had back there because our voluminous D-line was so fucking gassed that they couldn't even order a pizza over the phone. Soooo...what happens the NEXT time if Schaub goes (pardon the parlance of our times) H.A.M. on us this Sunday with their two TE sets and their nasty, nasty WR. Who we gonna ice out then??
The other question in this Benny Hill-esque 2011 (thus far) is obviously:
Does this Front Office know what the fuck it's doing? Seems to me we have no identity, no direction, no knowledge of our personnel (and packages come game time - the defense didn't change this offseason) and appear generally clueless and reactionary.
I long for the day every single fucking one of them is shit-canned. The only concern is who they bring in NEXT.
(Ireland p-shop by the inimitable ckparrot)
For all the hype the media and the team gave all through the truncated offseason and into training camp about the Dolphins puported TOP 5 DEFENSE, the Dolphins might as well have put Belen's JV squad out there for the duration of the game. At least those spunky youngsters might have had a bit more energy and conditioning to deal with New England's constant use of the no huddle and their savvy ability to, you know, be familiar with their personnel, plays and packages. Familiarity that had their players shuffling in and out while Phil Merling strolled to the sideline like he was a goddamn 19th-Century woman of 'good stock' on her way to the Mayfair for a Sunday brunch in her favorite summer dress.
'New' Sparano might be slightly flashier because Daboll thinks Reggie Bush = O.J. fucking Simpson, but he's not fooling anyone. Ok, fine. It's not the end of the world. This is an elite Patriots team so this outcome was somewhat expected. But just once, wouldn't you like to be surprised by this team? Outside of the Wildcat game, has their been another truly surprising win under this administration? Some quick hits before I turn it over to The Dude for his New Times recap (he's having some computer issues to log on and do his usual recap):
More here. Surprise us some time, Dolphins. Seriously. Would it hurt to maybe make some defensive adjustments??? How are all our D-lineman gassed when they make up 87% OF OUR FUCKING TEAM?!?!?!
GOY TRAIN! NEXT STOP (as always): GOYVILLE!