We're entering Year Four of this cock-n-balls show and it's fucking enough already.
Another 0-2 start with a team that still sucks baboon ass in the redzone, has a defense that can't make up it's mind whether it's any good or a pile of pigeon shit, coupled with the second week in a row where our players are gassed, dehydrated, and falling to injury AT FUCKING HOME is abysmal.
It's time to move on from Sparano and Ireland.
And if you disagree and want to shove your rainbow thoughts and unicorn dreams in my shit and opine about how I'm impatient and not a real fan, kindly shove an entire subway car into your rectum.
Enough is fucking enough.
This team has lost 11 of it's last 12 at home. Let that shit sandwich digest for a second.
This team looks confused on both sides of the ball.
Our supposed vaunted defense can't pressure the quarterback, adequately stop the run, or cover any receiver worth dick.
As for the offense...
Look, I'm all for being patient with a young quarterback, giving Henne time, he just needs more time, he's only in his second full-season so give him time, FOR THE LOVE OF MEGAN FOX'S VAGINA WOULD YOU JUST GIVE HIM SOME FUCKING TIME!!!!
But, yea, no.
Yesterday's performance was classic Robot. Coming off a monster performance, he comes up short, fails to convert third downs and his offense stalls in the redzone. Blame his offensive line woes all you want -- yes, it's a giant turd of a line. But Matt Ryan managed to lead his team to 35 fucking points yesterday, including four touchdown passes, with a godawful offensive line and the ghost of Elvis as his left tackle.
Henne's M.O. has always been Promise meets Mediocrity. He's the biggest fucking cocktease since Shanna Thompson promised me I could touch her boobs in the 9th grade only to ignore me for the rest of the school year thereafter. And he always has been. Ask any Michigan fan, they'll concur. And then they'll drop-kick you in the throat.
Our offense is currently ranked 28th in third down conversions. And while we're only two games in, this shit has been going down for a fucking decade now with zero improvements and zero signs of improvement. So stuff your calls for patience in a condom and hide it in your ass like a guy going through customs with a heroine balloon in his pooper.
All the 300 yard games in the world don't mean assnuts if you can't convert your third downs (AT HOME!!!!) and keep your defense off the field.
I said I was done with Henne before the season started. And nothing -- NOTHING -- has convinced me he's on his way to getting any better or being the guy. The Robot has a million dollar arm, a ten cent head, and is the absolute worst fucking TV pitch man in the history of all existence.
It all comes down to personnel and coaching.
Both have been a big fucking sloppy mess. Sure, we have some good players. But that's just it. We're a team filled with good players. And that's why we're consistently in the middle of the pack in the NFL year after year and dead fucking last in our own division.
Couple that with a coach who did nothing to earn his job other than be Bill Parcells' chubby little Italian friend, and what you have is this shitty, shitty oh so shitty football team.
I don't know who I want to get to replace these shitheads. Cowher comes to mind. Jeff Fisher. Whatever. Just hire someone with common fucking sense and someone who doesn't coach football like we're still playing in a league where all the players are white and wear leather helmets. Get us a fucker who understands 21st Century football and someone who doesn't act like a fucking asshole when he interviews potential draft picks.
I'm just tired of this fuckery. Fire them now, or fire them at the end of the year... but fire them.
I'm sick and fucking tired of ending every year 6-10, or 7-9 and settling for a mid-round pick, and then selecting a defensive tackle with injury issues that clearly would be there in the fourth round.
Fuck motors.
Fuck field goals.
Fuck gingers.
Fuck "atta boy! good job! k!"
Fuck these asswipes.
Fire their fucking asses, because a loser is a loser.
Oh and go read my recap over at Miami New Times and then say wonderful things about me in the comments.
