It was one thing to openly root against this team against the Chargers. And approaching the Jets game with indifference was even weirder. But yesterday's shitheap of a game was as bizarre as it fucking gets.
Starting with our gargoyle craggily owner and his Gator Day Extravaganza Bonerfest!
And then shit got sort of depressing when we were winning and it was the Broncos with the turnovers and the missed field goals and the sacks allowed and the shitty quarterbacking.
Then, Tim Tebow and his Magical Cock Of Narnia -- or was it the Miami Dolphins and their Ballsdeep Shittiness? -- took over, erased a 15-point deficit, forced overtime, AND ACTUALLY WON THE FUCKING GAME! GAHHHH!! ::farts:: ::dies::
The weirdest part was the edge-of-your-seat feeling of wanting to lose. I've never in my life rooted for Tebow. Nor have I ever rooted for the Broncos. Nor have I ever felt nervous about pulling off a loss.
This shit is fucking weird, man.
What has this fucking team done to me?
I approach games like a Neanderthal that just discovered fire. Strange bemusement, followed by morbid curiosity, followed by fear, followed by joy, followed by slamming my dick with a mastodon bone. This team has turned me into a fucking mongoloid.
Meanwhile, the Colts are making a race of it with their bullshit. Get your team's shit together, Irsay! You had your Hall of Fame franchise quarterback! Fuck off you wrinkly old hipster! LUCK IS OURS!!!
Anyway, let's just sit back and enjoy the crazy.
Happy Lucktory Monday, everyone!
hat tip to @tedhill for the Simpsons vid
Oh and go read my New Times rundown. Do it for the kids.