Chip? Chip!

A television station in Eugene, Oregon reported last night that the Dolphins have reached out to the agent of Oregon Duck’s head coach Chip Kelly.

If the Dolphins can’t land Fisher and want a coach with buzz, Kelly is by far the best option. Since Kelly came to Oregon as offensive coordinator in 2007, the Ducks have finished among the top-10 nationally in scoring offense in four of the five seasons, including a No. 1 finish in 2010 (47 points per game) and No. 3 this year (46.1). Bringing Kelly aboard would also allow the Dolphins to keep the defensive staff intact. Defensive coordinator Mike Nolan played at Oregon and is a Duck fan down to his core, and would likely welcome the opportunity to work with Kelly.

Kelly’s offenses are quick strike, spread offenses with a dash of a solid running game mixed in, which might translate well in today’s balls out NFL. And by might I mean FUCK AND YES LET’S DO THIS.

The other good thing is that he would most likely keep Mike Nolan around, who finally realized that you can, in fact, blitz the quarterback mid-way through last season, and had our D playing amongst the best down the stretch when we were already out of playoff contention.

Add Kelly, and trade up to grab RG3, put him on the field with Pussyhammer and The Beast and draft a real fucking tight end like you failed to do the last couple of seasons and, well shit, you’ve got something there. Fuckness, even The Puppet would thrive in a Chip Kelly offense. LOLOL not really. But, maybe.

You may not like Kelly as an option, and you may not think his offense will translate with the big boys. But, really, I’d rather fail miserably trying to score shitloads of touchdowns than fail miserably by scoring shitloads of field goals.

Also, Chip strikes me as a guy who is slightly batshit nuts, which means the dickjokepalooza can continue around here while we kick Rex Ryan in the cunt with our offense every season.

Win-win.