With the shitheads who run our team narrowing things down to three of the most mundane and insipid coaching candidates to ever be assembled by a professional sports franchise, at least one of them is feeling preeeaatttaaaayyy cocky about his chances at being named the next head coach of the Miami Dolphins.
According to sources, Denver Broncos offensive coordinator Mike McCoy is feeling so good about his interview with the the Dolphins that he's asked the Raiders to take him out of the running for their coaching vacancy:
It is unclear if McCoy was led to believe he is the front-runner by the Dolphins. The Dolphins are not commenting to the extent they declined to even confirm which candidates are being interviewed in the second round. The club did confirm completed interviews during the first-round of interviews.
McCoy is scheduled to have a second interview with the Fins today.
As for FN, we endorse Mike McCoy with a hardy meh and a jubilant wet fart.
Out of the three guys these geniuses could narrow shit down to, DRK and I agree that McCoy seems the least shittiest. Bowles looks like a nice guy, but is obviously not the one. And Philbin scares us because he didn't even have full play-calling duties at Green Bay. What the shit is that?
So McCoy is our guy by default. He's young, did a decent job making Tebow look like an actual fucking quarterback sometimes, and has even worked with The Puppet when the two were in Carolina. Also, he looks like a cartoon turtle, which would give a whole new meaning to the stupid "shit on a turtle" running gag we have here. It's all very meta.
Meanwhile, there's this:
ESPN’s Chris Mortensen has hinted that G.M. Jeff Ireland and advisor Carl Peterson have had different ideas about what the team should be looking for.
Our team has morphed into one giant box of broken dicks.
Mike McCo...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by: AMas92 | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 02:58 PM
Awesome, wasn't there a candidate that looked like the bashful vulture "Killer" available?
Posted by: El Mocoso | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 03:10 PM
Also:
http://cincinnati.com/freetime/movies/other/080202_masterofdisguise.html
Posted by: Dat Roro Kid | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 03:12 PM
+1 to DRK for the Dana Carvey link... although that movie was shit IMO
Posted by: Ray Finkle | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 03:16 PM
Holy unimpressive dicks batman. I guess this is a wait to see approach
Posted by: Altersreality | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 03:20 PM
Haha... that movie was so shitty. But, yea, THAT'S HIM!
Posted by: THE DUDE | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 03:22 PM
So the Ginger control freak recluse GM and the franchise vampire lurking in the shadows are at odds, which does wonders for a clueless gargoyle who only knows real estate and D-list celebrities. Fucking wonderful....
As for McCoy, maybe if he comes equipped with a Tricorder, Phaser and his pals Spock & Kirk can come along too.
Otherwise, "Hey-Hey Tippi Turtle!"
http://www.hulu.com/watch/274000/saturday-night-live-tippi-turtle
Posted by: Tom-Ass | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 03:22 PM
Well thank god we got a 3 week head start on the coaching search.
Posted by: LoRyder | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 03:46 PM
/ sad trombones...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKdcjJoXeEY&feature=related
Posted by: Salvadore Dalai Lama | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 04:33 PM
Go HEAT!!
Posted by: Dice13 | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 04:35 PM
My first thought was Shit on a Turtle fest!
And my gawd that guy has a small head. Reminds me of that pic DRK had as an avi with that tiny tiny head!
Will there ever be anything above a "Meh" the Dolphins can do for us?
*sigh*
Posted by: Ikathyv | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 04:42 PM
"...you see, I've this tiny head....and if I wear a hat it will look even tiny-er!"
Posted by: Tom-Ass | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 05:16 PM
The ass clowns are just looking for a brown noser, perfect fit !!!!
Posted by: D | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 05:16 PM
Upon further review, it's not so much that he has a tiny head, but check out the length on his Peyton Manning / Merton Hanks style giraffe neck!
Posted by: Tom-Ass | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 05:22 PM
How can we pass judgement on this guy when none of us knows shit about him? How many of you would have been happy in 2007 if we hired Mike Tomlin?? NONE OF YOU!! You would all be like who the hell is this? But you'd love to have him now. Let's take a wait and see approach. At least he is an offensive minded coach. Jeff Fisher believes in the same shit Parcells and Wannstedt and Fist Pumper believe in. Play boring ass offense and hope to keep it close and try not to lose the game with offense and let defense win it. Maybe this guy will try to score and score a lot. Give the fucking guy a chance!!!!
Posted by: Chris | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 07:04 PM
i think tomlin is a bad comparison. tomlin was a very successful d backs coach and defensive coordinator before getting called up.
turtle coach, has had a hand in some pretty bad offenses in carolina and denver.
Posted by: Julioruano | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 07:23 PM
Hey Julio....I think its a great comparison. Plus, it's hard to rate a guy on how he did with Carolina before Cam Newton and Denver with Kyle Orton. Coaches look better when they have talent to coach. This guy won a playoff game against the Steelers with Tim Tebow at quarterback. Let me repeat that...with TIM TEBOW AT QUARTERBACK!! Plus just about every team with a coaching opening has either interviewed him or requested to. So he might have something.....he might not....but until you give someone a chance you can't judge it a good or bad hire.
Posted by: Chris | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 07:52 PM
Has he been hired yet??? No??? Then what the fuck??? I do believe WE ALL hope that he will do well. Why can't we have fun at his expense. If he looks like a turtle, he looks like a turtle. One thing is certain. If you don't have a franchise QB, you will NOT be successful period. I doesn't matter how good the HC is. There are plenty of teams who's coaches are held in high esteem primarily because of the QB (Pats, Steelers, Packers, Saints, Giants). Go figure.
Posted by: Gersom | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 08:16 PM
Chris, this is a Fins+Tits+Dickjoke blog. This guy can be the 2nd coming of Shula and we would love the shit out of that. Until then, we roast him which can be considered a badge of honor. Hell he isnt even our coach yet. And I am still pissed off we let Mike Nolan walk for the same goddamn position with the dirty birds. Fuckers never even interviewed him, for which he has beena fucking headcoach, just like Bellicheat had been prior to the Pasties signing him. Let's face it, if not for dickjokery....people close to us would die with all the fucking up our team has done since 2004....
Posted by: Tom-Ass | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 08:23 PM
Listen, I'm no Dolphins apologist and I love this blog. But I think the idea of bringing in a young hungry coach is the best thing we've done in a while. I was hoping for Chip Kelly. I thought he would be a great fit if we end up trading up for Griffin (which I think is a good possiblity, but you negative cock suckers think is a pipedream...lol.) But I also think if we end up with McCoy he has proven he can adapt to an option style quarterback and have success. Plus I think Griffin is a much much better QB than Tebow. I also, agree is begins and end with the quarterback position. You can't win without one playing at a high level. Which I hope we have learned and ransom some future picks to go get Griffin.
Posted by: Chris | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 09:35 PM
I was Dana Carvey's stand in on that movie and I look nothing like Dana Carvey or a turtle. True story.
Posted by: Matty | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 09:43 PM
(yawn)
His neck is rather long...
LP
Posted by: Lady Phin | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 11:16 PM
Argue amongst yourselves, while I go make jokes about my dick.
Mananana, muh na na na na
Posted by: Jimmy | Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 11:47 PM
I'd much rather have Philbin. Its not like he sat on his ass every sunday.
Posted by: Mike13 | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 07:12 AM
yeah, it's been so long since the Dolphins took on an unproven, younger offensive-minded assistant as a head coach... um.. Sporano was an OL coach... CAM FUCKING CAMERON was the OC with the Bolts in the high-powered Rivers/Brees schemes... those worked out GREAT didn't they? Until whoever they eventually hire actually DOES something... let the shit on a turtle and dick jokes continue, because that's what we come here for.
//wet fart
Posted by: LoRyder | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 08:42 AM
I think most people here are on the Chud or Chip Kelly Express and anyone else is super 'meh' as fuck (bro) until he proves otherwise. The Dolphins are a really shitty girlfriend right now; hopefully she realizes this and buys some nice lingerie real soon.
Posted by: Dat Roro Kid | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 09:32 AM
I think this entire process has been flawed and fucked up and it shouldn't surprise anyone if a fucked up and flawed process produces a fucked up and flawed result.
I'm good friends with a Denver Broncos sports talk radio host at 102.3 ESPN Radio, very intelligent football guy that's done scouting work for networks and websites in the past, and on Monday when he found out that McCoy was on Miami's short list, all he could do was laugh. Not exactly giving me great feelings. And even before that I found the entire premise of McCoy's newfound fame and getting interviews to be entirely flawed.
Of the three candidates that are left, none of whom would have been on my short list, I would have probably preferred Philbin. And I'm not high on him. Just would have preferred him.
Posted by: ckparrothead | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 01:14 PM
If McCoy looks like that slow turtle.....
Then Philbin (Who I prefer, for the rec') looks like that goofy, "Nooooope-nope-nope-nope" vulture.
Posted by: Xavier Harris | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 01:35 PM
And we are all the king yelling, Cook! Where's my Hasenpfeffer? I guess that makes Ginger the cook Yosemite Sam.
So, the solution is to sign Bugs Bunny: Head Coach, Bugs Bunny, Offensive Coordinator, Bugs Bunny, Defensive Coordinator, Bugs Bunny, Quarter Back, Bugs Bunny, Hasenpfeffer, Bugs Bunny.
Posted by: Jimmy | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 02:27 PM
So does that make Sparano Elmer Fudd?
Posted by: Mike13 | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 03:29 PM
Vulture it is!!!
"I'm bringing home a baby bumble-bee...."
Posted by: Xavier Harris | Friday, January 20, 2012 at 07:17 PM