If there’s any solace to this complete, unabashed, projectile vomit of a pathetic offseason for your Miami Dolphins, it’s that the entire football-watching nation has come to that realization.
This is no shocking revelation. Not to us.
While everyone is clamoring to start protests in Davie and replace their twitter and facebook avis with this, we sat back and wondered what took so many people so fucking long to come around.
Jeff Ireland is a dipshit. Nothing’s changed here. All that’s happened is that his dipshittness has gone national.
Well… told you so!
Okay, now we can say it.
Told you so!
Here’s the thing. Jeff Ireland the football guy is a middling sometimes decent, but mostly mediocre talent scout.
Jeff Ireland the person is a giant sack of shit.
And that’s who we have making the top personnel decisions. A guy who does a mediocre job at best and who also happens to be a despicable human being.
That probably describes every boss you’ve ever had. Except that, unlike NFL mega stars and game-changers, you really don’t have a choice who you can work for.
For all the fucktard zombies (and media types) that inexplicably continue to defend this dickhole, his asking Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute still remains the one thing he’s mostly known for.
There have been a myriad of shitty GMs in NFL history. Take Matt Millen, for instance. That guy really fucked the Lions in the ear cavity. Yet, ask anyone why he was so bad, and they’ll mention his awful drafts and personnel decisions.
Jeff Ireland remains the only GM in the history of the NFL whose failure as a general manager has been trumped by his failure to be a decent fucking human being.
Every football player that has ever crossed paths with him knows this. And now, most famously, Ryan Clark has revealed it. Joey Porter said some things too. And while Porter is also himself quite the dipshit, and might have an ax to grind with the guy that cut him, it doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Channing Crowder made similar statements about dipshit Ireland as well.
And, sure, like Porter, Crowder may have a vendetta against the guy who released him, but there’s something to be said when player after player after player keeps coming out and saying the same shit about this asshole.
Oh but look! He drafted Mike Pouncey! And Clyde Gates! That makes him a keeper! Go fuck yourself with a tree stump. No, it doesn’t. Stop defending this dipshit over every little “decent” thing he does. His tenure has been a bout of explosive diarrhea. And yet the zombies and other asswipes continue to be okay with that.
Here’s what the apologists are saying now:
- The Harbaugh thing wasn’t his fault. That, at the very least, is seriously debatable.
- He released Brandon Marshall, who is a CANCER! Sure, but HE ALSO FUCKING TRADED FOR HIM. And got back less from the Bears than what he gave up to the Broncos to get him. Also, love Brian Harline’s scrappiness and Davone Bess’ work ethic all you want. Our receiving corps is now a dead rotting carcass without Marshall.
- He signed Matt Moore and Tyler Thigpen and now DAVID GARRARD! That’s what we’re using to defend the guy running our team? He signed middling career backups and a guy with a shitty back (no pun intended) to be our quarterback? FUCK. YOU. Garrard is not a solid signing. Garrard would be a solid signing if he were coming in as a backup to your already established franchise quarterback. It’s not a solid signing when there was zero market for him, and he’s basically a move for the sake of a move. He’s Tyler Thigpen with Crohn’s disease.
- He passed on Kyle Orton and Matt Flynn! WOW. Way to NOT sign shitty players! Here, you’re totally qualified to run my multi-million dollar football franchise! And, by the way, every report that came out says the Orton thing was Ross’ call. So you’d have to assume Philbin had a lot of say in the Flynn decision.
- He let mostly shitty Kendall Langford sign with another team. AFTER HE FUCKING DRAFTED HIM. Oh, that’s right, Jeff wasn’t running the show then. He’s only around when the BRILLIANT draft picks are made. Like Daniel Thomas, for instance.
Doesn’t matter what happens in the draft now. He can get Tanenhill or Weeden or whoeverthefuck, and then that guy can become the next Tom Brady, and all will be forgiven, or that guy can become the next Chad Henne, and we’re back to square one this time next year. UNTIL JEFF IRELAND SIGNS CHRIS REDMAN! SOLID!
So our hopes now lie in Jeff Ireland winning the lottery with the quarterback he decides to draft. I can’t hardly wait, you guys!
The protests are kinda cool. We endorse it fully. And this open letter to Ireland is pretty much right on the money. And the Wikipedia page fiasco (which we had nothing to do with, honestly) was pretty fucking hilarious.
But, let’s face it. We’re fucking stuck with this open sore dipshit. Because Stephen Ross is a sphincter-brained delusional enabler who is somehow convinced that there’s no one out there better suited to run his team than his flaming ginger dickface. Apparently class, winning organizations like the Packers, Giants, Patriots, 49ers, and Ravens don’t have scouts on staff who are ready to become general managers. I KNOW, IT’S BAFFLING!
And Ireland knows this. He knows he can do no wrong. When he was asked about the banner a few weeks ago, this was his response:
“The fans were flying a banner around the last football game. They do what they want to do. So, hey.”
Exactly what a dipshit would say when confronted with his dipshittiness.
Brace yourselves, Dolphins fans. That pain you feel in your asshole is not going away any time soon. Not as long as the dipshit is running things.
Welcome to our nightmare, America.