Peyton Manning flew down to Miami yesterday after his Indianapolis press conference to resume his off-season workouts. But in true Miami media dipshit fashion, he was harassed and followed by a horde of news helicopters as he was driving down the Dolphin Expressway Ray Liota in Goodfellas-style.
Manning eventually decided to say fuck it (or maybe it was "aw shuck feathers!") and pulled over to give a quick interview so these fucking jackals can just leave him the shit alone already.
Unfortunately for us all, WSVN 7 got to him first.
If you're not from around here, WSVN is basically the loud, in youar face, blood-sucking catastrophe-and celebrities-is-news media cliche' you've ever seen in movies come to life. They report from their giant NEWSPLEX! where they basically just vomit out an amorphous sensationalistic blob of death, murder and Beyonce baby pictures on a nightly basis.
WSVN's Rosh Lowe proceeded to ask Peyton dumb shit that would annoy the ever-living fuck out of normal men. He also interrupted Manning a couple of times as he tried to break news that was obvioulsy not going to break in an empty parking lot of some shitty south Miami strip mall. For his part, Peyton Manning was really cool about the whole thing. (He so classy!!)
Here are some of the asinine questions Lowe spewed out of his face hole (you can watch the full video here):
"What do you want to tell fans in South Florida who want to see you as a Dolphin?"
DURRRR... DOLPHINS FANS WANT YOU REAL BAD... DO YOU WANT THEM??? TELL ME IF YOU PLAN ON COMING HERE. TELL ME NOW. ME, SOME ANONYMOUS FAILED ACTOR WHO MAKES A LIVING CHASING CELEBRITIES IN A HELICOPTER LIKE A GODDAMN VULTURE, AND NOT CHRIS MORTENSEN.
"Fans are saying 'We want to have Peyton Manning be our next Dan Marino.' What would you say to them?"
DURRRR.... I WOULD TOTALLY EYE-BANG YOU IF YOU PLAYED HERE. I EYE-BANG DAN MARINO ALL THE TIME. JASON TAYLOR TOO! THOSE ARE THE ONLY DOLPHINS PLAYERS I KNOW.
"How's your neck?"
YADAYADAYADA.... ARE YOU GOING TO DIE???
"Your brother won a Super Bowl last year... Can you bring a Super Bowl to South Florida?"
YOUR BROTHER IS MORE AWESOME THAN YOU. CAN YOU BRING US A SUPER BOWL LIKE A MAGICAL WISH-GRANTING WIZARD???
This dickhole was like the mouth-breather guy that the hot girl gives her number to, and immediately regrets it when he starts ambushing her with awkward questions and won't stop texting her.
If Peyton Manning signs elsewhere, I'm going to blame WSVN. Shitheads.