Your Miami Dolphins are doing HBO’s ‘Hard Knocks’

Well, well, welll…seems your Miami Dolphins will be doing this year’s Hard Knocks on HBO!!! Coach Philbin announced it during his post-OTA presser today, saying ‘we thought it was in the best interest of the organization to do it at this time’. Wowzers.

What an about-face from the frustratingly stupid Project Blue Book days of the Parcells era.

NOW WE’RE AN OPEN BOOK, EVERYONE! FEEL FREE TO COME INSIDE OUR HOMES AND PUT YOUR FEET UP ON THE TABLE!

I’m all in favor of transparency given how being secretive dickfaces about damn near everything hasn’t exactly paid dividends but I honestly never expected to see our Fins be part of something like Hard Knocks.

Gut feeling: Obviously anything Dolphins-related is going to be must-see-TV for all of us so I’m happy to get to watch the process. It’ll be exciting to see how Tannehill develops from Day One, observe how the coaching staff interacts and evaluates talent and watch as LaMontell Pussyhammer strolls in to practice at about 2:30pm afternoon wearing only a feather boa from some Bongo’s dancer he hooked up with the previous night.

On the other hand, we’ll also be privy to a forced ‘QB competition’ as well as bare witness to HBO utilizing every editing trick in the book (cue the slow-mo) to somehow make Brian Fucking Hartline look like a capable receiver. That’s going to be more gory than a compilation of Game of Thrones kill scenes.

Last but not least we’ll be checkin’ out how our old buddy Jeffy Ireland handles the pressure of the cameras and to what extent he’ll be ‘performing’ for them in an effort to showcase that ‘No sir. I am not a completely incompetent moron as you can see by my authoritative yet monotone voice that would bore a carnivorous lunatic high to the teeth on bath salts, LSD and cocaine psychosis as I dispense knowledge and VERY GOOD EVALUATIONS from behind my very big desk here in Davie, you see’.

That part ain’t gonna be so fun.

But, hey, Dolphins players running and throwing and catching stuff and hitting each other and sweating profusely and getting their dreams dashed by The Turk (Ray Feinga??) and cool voiceovers talking about our favorite team HURRAY!!!

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Just hang on a bit… we’ll get it sorted out.


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