Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Happy National Acorns Day, Everyone!

Clyde Gates, Gary Guyton, WHO ELSE?? WHOOOPEEEEEE!!!

Updates here.  Yes, I know it's Armando's blog but fuuuuuck it.

/ huffs nitrous like Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet

Dolphins Fall in Final Preseason Game to Finish Winless

Receivers can't catch the ball, DBs getting called for P.I., can't rush the passer consistently (even against the Dallas 2's and 3's) but Ryan Tannehill didn't get his head taken off with our boy Feinga protecting his backside.  Winnning?

More here and here.

FEENZ UUUP, MIIIYAAAMEEEEE

Hard Knocks Recappin'

Jeff Ireland goes over his 2013 Draft plan

Bang it here. 

Big tits.

I'm Leaving This Up Until We Do Something Good

 

I know, I know...it's not your fault but is there really anything else to say about this team at this point?

Your New Starting QB is Gonna Die, So Hey

Jake Long will be out a few weeks because of an MCL sprain during yesterday's practice session.  His back up, Lydon Murtha (also a gigantorious bag of refried ass), also hasn't practiced in a couple weeks cuz he is ALSO injured.  So, essentially, Lauren Tannehill's hairless pristine pink pussy is quivering with fear because big, bad, strong-as-an-ox Jonathan Martin (with the kind of punch at the point of attack you'd expect from a kid with Down's Syndrome) is looking like your new starting Left Tackle to protect our Golden Boy.  

So two questions here:  1) Anyone know a good fucking santero to do a serious despojo on this snake-bitten fucking franchise? and 2) How long before Chad Henne somehow ends up starting again for us this year?

More here.

/ heats up waffle iron, takes 13 Viagras, unzips pants

Hey Guuuyyys!!!

YA GOTTA ADMIT:  IT'S A DAMN WACKY DAY WHEN I'M THE ONLY BEAT REPORTER WITH ANY BALLS, ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS TEAM AND MAKING ACTUAL GODDAMN SENSE.

NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND...I'M OFF TO A KFC/TACO BELL/PIZZA HUT.  YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:  IT TAKES A TOUGH MAN TO COOK A TENDER CHIIIIIIICCCKKKEEEEEEENNNNNN!

/ Vrooooooooooooooooooooommmzzzz

Dolphins Trade Vontae Davis

Yesterday your Miami Dolphins decided to trade CB and former 1st rd draft pick, Vontae Davis, for a 2nd rd pick in the 2013 draft.  Obviously, this was a genius move for the Fins considering the wealth of talented, playmaking individuals starting for us at every position coupled with the you might say 'Vesuvius-like' depth we've got stacked behind them juuuust in case.  Oh, not to mention the history of stellar 2nd rd picks we've attained via draft order or other trades with teams.  Names like Pat White, Koa Misi, Daniel Thomas, Chad Henne, Philip Merling and - that fucking firestarter - Jonathan Martin.  

Fuck you, Jeff Ireland.  Fuck you, 'Steve' Ross.  Fuck you, Joe Philbin.

Moves like the trading of Brandon Marshall, the release of Chad Johnson and now this latest move make Dave Hyde wonder 'Does Philbin know what the fuck he's doing?' ('fuck' emphasis added by yours truly)

/ nervously pats leather chair, dances around issue, over-explains simple situation, comes off sounding like your first girlfriend's dad as you meet him for the first time, buuuuh buh buh buh buh buh....

I'm gonna say 'FUCK NO' for the time being.

I hate this fucking team.

 

Hard Knocks Recappin'

Sorry for the lack of posts around here, Nation.

I've been buried with work (because Florida is fucked up so there's a lot of shit to report, you see), and DRK is fighting a Minotaur somewhere in Greece.

But, hey, lots of shit happening with our beloved wretched Dolphins.

Last night was episode three of Hard Knocks.

Want a recap of it?

COME READ IT HERE.

And, as always, leave comments there telling me how awesome I am. 

You do that, and I will deliver more titty pics for you.

Titties are so great.

Dolphins at Panthers Pre-Season Open Thread

Bar Refaeli and her magnificent ass are here to watch Ryan Tannehill start tonight's game with you.

Talk it up.

'Hard Knocks' Episode 2 Recap

Welp, it was bound to happen sometime.

Now both The Dude and I have given in to the singing sirens of that sweet, sweet New Times cheddah.  So please read my recap of Hard Knocks over at their site.  Here's the link.  Les Brown's gal thinks you should really, really do it.

Don't wooorrrry.  Everything will still be the same over here.  A little extra cash never hurt nobody.

Oh, and after today I'm off to Greece.  Any Santorini FinsNation fans out there???

Chicken anus.