Joe Philbin Addresses the Media

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Allow me to address some of the issues we’re having in a more realistic way that doesn’t involve me blowing billows of smoke up your asses:

  • Tyson Clabo is a worthless piece of shit at RT and I’m going to do nothing about that.  He’s fine because I say so.
  • Ryan Tannehill will continue to play until his face gets mauled by a wild boar that has run loose in the stadium or UNTIL I FUCKING SAY SO
  • Cameron Wake is FUCKING FINE and, like, didn’t you see him running around out there yesterday?  HE’S FINE, YOU GUYS.  HE’S TOTALLY OKAY.
  • I passed the ball on that final, calamitous drive because I’m the coach and Mike Sherman is the offensive coordinator and WE DON’T GIVE A FUUUUUCK.  YOLO.  FOMO.  ALL THAT SHIT.  You say we should have run the ball given the limited success we had and played our chances with our supposedly AWESOME defense against a 3rd string fucking nobody quarterback pinned back up against his own goal line?  YOU’RE CRAZY
  • Daniel Thomas is a gifted running back the likes we haven’t seen since Earl Campbell in his fucking hey-day.  Also, he has video of me blowing a horse in Horse Country Kendall last year.  It was a dark time for me.  I was drunk.
  • Mr Ross pays me to do the best job I can getting this team prepared every Sunday.  That being said, I will gladly take all of that VERY STUPID GARGOYLE’S money for as long as I can dupe him.  Idiots.
  • Wait til you see what I have planned for next Sunday against the Pats!  You ever seen a quarterback try and throw every pass from behind the back???  OOOOOH HOOOOO HOOOOEEEEYY!

Any more questions?  Good.  I gotta go get those damn kids and scare them out of the abandoned amusement park now!

DatRoroKid (16 Posts)

Fart Train to Fartsville. Born and raised in da County Dade but living in NYC until I get sick and fucking tired of it (i.e. soon)


10 Responses to “Joe Philbin Addresses the Media”

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  1. Hurriphin says:

    Tyson Clabo could possibly be the worst person ever born, and while Coach says he’s a “Worthless Piece of Shit” I can assure you that is an insult to fecal matter…seeing as how I KNOW I’ve taken a few shits that could occupy a Dlineman, longer than he can.

    How in the sizzling fuck are we this bad in protection?!?!

    45 of our last 50 draft picks have been spent on the Oline, not to mention having spent The National Debt in FA, for linemen.

  2. McKinney is the answer.

    Now excuse me while I go throw up a little in my mouth.

    Damn, shit was a lot more fun with big titty blog posts. You should have at least put the haunted mansion in the background.

    Infinite love and compassion to the Fins…I guess.

  3. Jimmy says:

    That game was a total failure on all fronts. Tannehill played like shit, o line played like diarrhea, special teams played like that homeless guy’s shit I stepped in once at the library entrance, Coaches should be homeless shitting in front of a library…I’ve run out of types of shit to compare the defense to, but their play was not entirely without fecal aroma.

  4. Home on the Phins says:

    Nothaah Cunnivin New Englandaah
    w all his buds

    U Niggas
    Could not have possibly seen this despite Home informin Y’all

    All these coaches r X-New England/Boston Patriot fans

    … just the fact jack (off)
    Philbin/Sherman/Coyle/ Turner and the conspiracy theorist list goes even fahhhhhther

    All raised Boston Patriot Fans,
    All <3 ers of the New England Patriots

    Home knows
    Gigi is still too scared to know

    U don't write Home

    12 Hrs notice
    Home shows

    …….. that's right ;)

    Now
    Get UR Shine Box
    and
    UR Push Up Bra

    lol

    O xoxoxoxo

    :)

  5. Home on the Phins says:

    So Ya think Joe Philbin is a fraud?

    Instead of spending the bye week vacuuming the locker room carpet and ironing the drapes
    Philbin mighta thought about coaching the football players during his two weeks off

    …. just saying

  6. aquavision54 says:

    Nothing like watching Brady hit the turf

  7. Matt says:

    Can someone explain this to me? Why on a 3rd and 2 when you are averaging 6 yards a carry, do you throw out of an empty back field? Especially when you’ve had QB protection issues all year????

  8. Salvadore Dalai Lama says:

    Holy .

    Wake me up when we are 19-0…in a few lifetimes.

    Just “Go.”

  9. joe dante says:

    dolphins are a joke. woody harrelson. LOL. incognito is the dolphins best player. LOL

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